fake smiles.

2012-02-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

仓央嘉措《十诫诗》

　第一最好不相见，如此便可不相恋。

　　第二最好不相知，如此便可不相思

　　第三最好不相伴，如此便可不相欠。

　　第四最好不相惜，如此便可不相忆

　　第五最好不相爱，如此便可不相弃

　　第六最好不相对，如此便可不相会

　　第七最好不相误，如此便可不相负

　　第八最好不相许，如此便可不相续

　　第九最好不相依，如此便可不相偎

　　第十最好不相遇，如此便可不相聚。

　　但曾相见便相知，相见何如不见时。

　　安得与君相诀绝，免教生死作相思。

2011-04-26T17:15:00.002+08:00

2011-02-08T17:58:00.002+08:00

let your anxieties be, darling
it's difficult for me to overcome and it makes me grieve
remembering/ reflecting on yesterday,
even though our love is locked/prohibited,
i promise that i'll never forget
I am unable to avoid it
Neither will I distance myself
I'll still be here,waiting
The pledge we made will weather all storms
To find a ray of pure love
Even though my breath/life will surely end
Never doubt that my love/heart is still there
Believe that love has no substitute
You are the one I am searching for
Your love will last for eternity

Tetap di sini
Terus menanti
<3

2011-01-26T20:40:00.001+08:00

“Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we’ve stopped loving them or we’ve stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.”

2011-01-18T15:37:00.002+08:00

this is gonna be the first post this year ! haha
isn't it weird how we always look forward to the end of the year , filled with so much hope and optimism for countdown and the next year, thinking that the following year will be a much better and magical one?

yet, after the countdown and onto the first day of the new year, you realise that there isn't so much that has changed after all, in fact, everything may be the same.same worries, same life, same everything and then the disappointment sets in.

as i grow older, i realise just how much i miss being young and the childlike, almost blind, innocence that comes along with it. do you remember just meeting someone new whom you can get along so well with and so you just bare your soul and heart out to this someone, even though you aren't sure if this bond will last for long? haha

one value that i often hold close to my heart is sincerity. i believe that when i interact with people, sincerity is the key . i often think that is nothing even better than someone who is sincere because people who are sincere often give their all in every relationship , leaving no room for disappointments because they give their heart and soul to the other party. haha i hope to continue holding onto that value this year and the many years to come.

i know this post is like here, there and everywhere. but hey , give me a break! i haven't posted in a long while :P

hope everyone's looking forward to their new year break ! :D

2010-11-17T16:58:00.002+08:00

I’m grateful that on this cold rainy day – which so ain’t suiting my gloomy mood – I still have awesome company online! Talking to bestie dearest is love! Especially when she goes all out to try and cheer me up! Thanks for always being there hon! Thanks for being there during my high times, as well as the low; not forgetting the times when I am unsupportive of your decisions. What would life be like without this little Miss Sunshine? No matter what, when you are feeling irritated and disappointed that I’m not giving you the support you expect, I hope that you will always remember that ultimately, I only have your best interest at heart. It’s only because I care that I will resort to being harsh when I personally feel that you’re going down the wrong way. Anyways, it works both ways! Bestie has been harsh on me too, but that’s why I love you so! Thank you for not being afraid of correcting me when I’m in the wrong! And hey, at least we break even! ((:

my lovely bestie wrote that in her blog! ahhaha feeling so loved now! <3

2010-10-04T20:52:00.001+08:00

i'm getting addicted to this song.
but i'm sad i can't download the song:(

2010-09-20T00:20:00.002+08:00

it's your first day tomorrow.
maybe i'm being foolish.
but, i'll say a little prayer for you.
god bless you

2010-08-18T22:41:00.001+08:00

hello there, my sweetest, loveliest bestie ((:

never think that the things you do are not seen or known, even the littliest things. like what i told you , they would unknowingly and subtly have an impact on someone around you . a smile, a helping hand, a word of encouragement or affirmation. these may not seem obvious, but trust me , the effect they have on people are much much more than the actual actions themselves.

so , never think that you're not good enough, or extrovert enough, or .. whatever enough. you're special because you're jeannie ong. who you are is what makes you special ((:

for those who do not see what you do and said things which are hurtful, just hear but don't take to heart because you know fully well that you're not that way .

most importantly once again, GOD knows and see everything that is happening. HIS recognition is what matters so, why bother about the rest, right? (:

love,
your bestie who thinks that you're really awesome <3

2010-08-08T18:12:00.003+08:00

Hebrew 11:1-2
" only faith can guarantee the blessings that we hope for "

God has spoken again .
i was feeling really lost and helpless over the past week due to certain reasons.
before mass, i decided to pray for a sense of peace and a clear mind and heart.

being the loving and selfless god, he's given me more .
the theme for today's mass was all about holding onto your faith.
despite the uncertainties, the sadness, happiness, predictability, unpredictability.
as long as you hold onto your faith, everything will turn out fine.
so that's what i'm going to do .

i'm gonna give it my best shot and maintain an optimistic outlook in everything i do,
afterall, i've just got to "do my best and let god do the rest" (:

it's going to be tough, but i want to do it

2010-07-10T00:30:00.002+08:00

so, claudy's a sad girl again.
faith's flown and so has bestie.

pauline spoke to me tonight ,
and she struck a chord in me
about everything that has happened.
i do know the answer.
i just didn't want to face it .
out of fear, out of dependence?
i have no idea, really.

what am i to do ?

why must you do this to me ? ):

2010-06-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

i scrolled through my fb home page updates and as i look at the many many updates from my church friends about how awesome god is , and how passionate they are about him now, somehow, i feel so left out .

because of school and exams, i couldn't make it for confirmation camp. believe me when i say that i'm so happy and encouraged that they are so fired up for you,lord! but there's this wistful part in me which is kinda envious for how they feeling right now, in other words, a spiritual high.

someone got baptise today , lord.

i've been praying for this person.

please do continue watching over and protecting him,lord.

you told me yesterday, o father, that as long as they are baptise in you

it doesn't matter what they are,

men or women, gentile or jew,

we're all the same, one body in you ,lord

so, take away all prejudices and negative mindset about how i'm feeling about it all , lord.

blessed be your name.

2010-06-16T20:00:00.002+08:00

yes , i've fallen sick.
skipped school today because i was feeling horrible. only to find out that on the day that i miss class, there's class assignment to hand up . ah!! so frustrating . i've even skipped classes back in JC or secondary school just for fun and it was okay . but now... skipping one day of lesson due to VALID reasons could even land me in trouble because now i'm feeling lost as to what to do for class assignment.

yes, i'm grouchy, whiny and about to throw tantrums now.

i need you.
but you're not here ):

2010-06-13T16:25:00.002+08:00

To : my dearest bestie (:

Love is like a circus. it is beautiful, magical yet terrifying at the same time. sometimes, accidents are inevitable and people will get hurt or even die during performance, but it doesn't lessen the beauty of the show or the circus.

therefore, bestie. we've all been hurt one way or another. it's sad, but inevitable. how different people eventually turn out to be in lives depends on how we face such hurt. some give up , thinking that they'll be better off without love. some grow consistently sad and defensive, not allowing love to come in lest they get hurt all over again. yet there are also those who end up falling deeply in love and everyday is a miracle for them because they held on with optimism, that someday love will find them and they learn from past experiences, maturing and growing each day.

so bestie, i know that this year hasn't been a good year for you . sometimes, you have no idea what god is trying to do , whether he's making a huge joke out of all this and you start to lose faith in love. but honey , know that he makes everything happen for a reason , yes ?

you're never alone. there are people who are in the same boat as you too . who are struggling along their journey and some who are even worst off. always know that you're loved by so many many other people around you and who would be so sad if you continue feeling down. i'm also struggling in that aspect honey . i dont know where i stand, what's going on, what's going to happen. i have so many many questions in my head too. but, i wish that the both of us can continue praying hard and perservering. when i feel like giving up or at the brink of losing my faith, i know tha you'll always be there for me to turn to , becuase you've known how it feels like. likewise, i'll always be here for you , darling .

i'll always be praying for you. that god will give you a peaceful and courageous heart to maintain and improve the faith you have in both him and love. and when you've found that faith , i'm confident that love will come knocking on your door (:

with love,
your bestie <3

2010-05-04T23:21:00.003+08:00

im very very very very very terrified of my approaching driving test.
it seems impossible to pass it :(

anyway , went out with bestie to celebrate her bday !
miss her so much , and time seemed to pass so fast! hahaha

anyway , koh luntat is a sweet boy
LunTat says:
hahaha okok nvm!
thanks!!
wahh
so sweet of you i not handsome la so ugly
you look pretty and cute too!

he came and talk to me so i told him that he grew better looking from looking at his photos and that was what he replied. it may be out of courtesy, but who cares, it floats my boat (: HAHAHA

2010-04-24T10:29:00.001+08:00

you're coming back to haunt me . again.

2010-04-22T20:17:00.000+08:00

Dear Knight-in-Shining-Armor-Lost-in-a-State-of-Ignorance,

This is crazy. This could turn into something unimaginable, so overwhelming special or it could turn into nothing but a vast open space of excruciating agony and confusion tangled together with absolutely no meaning. Yet, I take a chance baby. Maybe one day you would look my way. Maybe one day you would figure out why the sky is blue and why you haven’t decided to knock on my door just yet.

This is to you. The one whose presence I feel as I watch every sunrise and sunset. The one who fills my dreams with joys beyond description. The one who smiles as I wonder about mermaids and fairies and guardian angels. This is to you - the one who will bake brownies with me on Saturday mornings and laugh with me when it turns out burnt. The one who will snuggle up with me at night as I watch that horror flick that is not really horrifying but I pretend it is anyway just so you would hold me close.

See, I still cannot figure out what’s taking you so long to gather up your pretty white horse and trot along the hills and valleys just to find me. Actually, I don’t quite need a white horse. I don’t need to see the titanic or the milky way with all its glossy lights and magical mists. I don’t need a thousand red roses interspersed with the occasional pure white ones (my favorite) and I don’t need you to catch all the stars in the inky black sky and hide them in your palm for me. I don’t need you to bring me the rainbows I love so. I just need you to find your way to me. Somehow.

This is to you. The one I will write a thousand crazy love letters to even though you will never read them. This is to you, for the way you made me smile without even knowing you did. This is for the way you made me feel like Moses parted the blue, blue waters so that we can walk hand in hand to our destination of little cottages, flowers and lots of love. This is to you - the one who gave me pain like I’ve never felt before. This is for the hugs you will never give, the kisses I will never get.

Then again, it doesn’t bother me that you don’t know all this. Because your eyes, the way you smile makes me want to do a little dance in the craziest of all places on the busiest of all days. Maybe one day you would know. For that, I will wait. For as long as it takes. Right here.

Because maybe. Just maybe. You’re gonna be the one that saves me.

With lots of love,

The-Girl-who-Catches-Raindrops-so-They-Don’t-Fall

-anonymous.

2010-03-28T18:59:00.002+08:00

hello ! i just came back from my church youth ministry retreat !

okay , i know i've been talking about church rather often lately, but i just want to share with you all about what i've learnt and the gift that god wants to give to you (:

anyway , i really benefitted a lot from this retreat. i would be lying if i said that i've been looking forward to this retreat and felt totally excited about it ! because, haha , i wasn't, not even the slightest bit. In fact, i was thinking about skipping the whole retreat and going for council's bonding session instead. but i knew that my conscience wouldn't let me sleep peacefully if i had chosen the bonding session. so , i went for retreat. and, i daresay, i've no regrets in attending the retreat.

i've learnt so much from this retreat. i want to PROUDLY DECLARE to all of you out there that GOD LOVES YOU !!

i know many of us would have thought before or are still thinking things like : nooo, god doesn't love me ! if he loves me , then why would he allow such problems, bad things to happen upon me ? no, he doesn't love me ! he makes me unhappy and i thought that he should be saving and helping me instead. haha.

well , you know what i've learnt and got enlightened about during the retreat?

" was it not necessary for the messiah to suffer these things and then to enter his glory ? "
-Luke 24: 26.
indeed, like how even our messiah, our lord jesus christ has to go through his periods of downs and suffering in order to reach his glory, we too, have to face our ordeals and periods of lowness and helplessness in order for us to arrive at our destination-a place in god's kingdom. think about it, if we were complete and unbroken, would god even have a place in our hearts? i highly doubt so . it's okay to be broken , to be incomplete, for God will always complete us and make us whole again . so , my beloved friends, embrace your periods of brokenness, befriend it, face your troubles and worries, and surrender them all up to our dearest Lord.

i am writing this post today , because i am praying that the people whom i am writing this post for would read this. i know that you'll know who you are . God loves each and everyone of you so much .

"Do not be afraid-i am with you !"
-Isaiah 41: 10
don't feel afraid, don't feel unworthy of being loved by god, of going to him. he'll always open his arms wide to embrace you with all his love. much more than you can ever imagine !

Jason, one of my church friends wrote this today in one of his FB note : i begin to understand that it's not about being the most talented musician, or the most efficient organiser or any of these. it is not about the doing, instead, it is simply about being. it's about letting jesus in, letting him take his place on the throne of our lives; he will provide all that we need to do his work ."
think about it (:

have an awesome and blessful holy week ahead, my darling friends !
once again , GOD LOVES YOU !

2010-03-16T22:27:00.004+08:00

i've been having the urge to go back for sessions recently, in fact, i did . hahaha

i actually dragged myself out of bed last sunday at 8, despite having the choice to sleep in later and went to 9am mass so that i'll make it in time for session with cornerstone (:

i daren't say that i'm strong in my faith, neither can i confidently say like how many of my christian friends are able to that i surrender everything up to god and allow him to use my life for him .

but i feel that , i'm trying and despite not being able to trust in him fully in some aspects of my life now, i know that deep down inside, essentially, he's still the treasure that i seek, the lord whom is my constant.

indeed, praise god for dragging me up early at 8, because session that day was rather apt. the theme was

"Christ must be Lord of ALL your life, or not at all".

i learnt something new that week. Praise and worship is not merely going there to sing but not feeling anything at all. sure, it's not tough to feel as though you are " spiritually" enhance while singing however, i learnt that there is a purpose behind praise and worship .

PRAISE= what i praise him for the things which he did for me

Worship= for who he is to me.

thus, this means that everything we sing songs during praise and worship, we ought to reflect on why we are doing praise and worship and it'll probably make praise and worship a more purposeful and meaningful one (:

i know i seldom do posts on religion because i did not want to be a hypocrite where i just write and yet not truly feel anything. haha

now that i reflect, the thing which i initially thought would be an obstacle between me and someone is maybe god's wayof speaking out to me, of bringing me back into his arms because afterall, i haven't been going for sessions, but now, i'm trying to go back so, praise god (:

2010-03-09T22:21:00.004+08:00

今天没去跟你说话因为我觉得你可能需要自己的空间吧
可是我希望你能放下自尊，跟我说到底发生了什么事。

我不想失去你。

快让我们恢复原来那样吧）：

2010-03-03T22:48:00.002+08:00

so, today i went over to the hair salon to meet mommy after school because being the vain pot which is her usual self, she decided she couldn't stand the sight of her hair and thus, went to visit the hairdresser.

anyway , that's besides the point. the point here, yes the POINT, is that , i felt bored waiting for her so i started flipping aimlessly through all the magazines which were lying around when my favourite magazine of late, BRIDES, caught my eye. so i started flipping through it, gasping wistfully at the sight of the beautiful gowns, which are allll sooo pretty!! seriouslyyyy, i kid you not! hahaha

so i came across this article inside which was titled: 10 secrets to living happily ever after.
apparently, they interviewed happily married couples to find out how they manage to not only fall in love with each other , but also how they managed to STAY in love!

anyway , out of the 10 points,2 main points caught my attention and i started pondering over them . here are the two points !

1) Different personalities, Shared values --> in many happy
relationships, couples manage to be friends and lovers at the same time. Happy
couples comprise two people who are opposite in personality but identical in
background.

2) Your partner is your best friend --> truly happy couples use the
phrase " best friends " to describe their relationship .

this kinda lifted my spirits. i used to wonder how it'll feel like , dating your best friend. i mean, there wouldn't be anymore excitement, no? because you know your other half perfectly inside out and well, i would imagine a certain degree of weirdness, because you would have to start seeing your best friend as a lover instead? but , i would like to give it a go, if well, we fit together perfectly, like..... ham and cheese sandwich !:P

p.s. im starting to love my uni friends, they are really sweet and lovable people (:

p.p.s. i think prawns are really sad creatures. people not only catch them for leisure, but they even eat them up . unfortunately, i'm one of those who catch them for leisure )): but thankfully, i dont eat them up ! so does that.... lessen my " crime" ?

2009-12-06T18:27:00.003+08:00

and i wish i have the courage to show this picture to you so that you would know what i want to say .

Aqidah told me something today which made me went AWWWW because i think it's sooo true ! no wonder " EHHEM" managed to get inspired by her but by me, because i dont give nice or insighful enlightening philosophies:( anyway she said this !

it's okay to lose your pride over the one you love. but don't lose the one
you love over your pride.

have you ever met a friend? whom you have known for a long time? or THOUGHT you knew? i was " discussing" the issue of truly knowing someone inside out with someone whom well, i always have this kinda " intellectual" discussions ( *AHEMS. arguments) with. anyway , that someone was telling me that it's impossible to know someone truly.

today , something proved him right. i have a friend whom i know for many years now. i always thought that i'm an earlier bloomer as compared to her thus, i was usually the one by her side, giving her advices and looking out for her. however, lately, she seemed to have bloomed and well, she seemed to have shot ahead of me. now, i feel as though i no longer know her. i wonder if she's the same girl i knew. this uncertainty is rather unsettling watching it happen yet not knowing how to feel about it .

next week is final exams. can't wait for it to be over and done with. first semester was a killer. how about the upcoming sems?:(

2009-11-18T23:50:00.002+08:00

" I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out there. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. i love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like i'm nuts. i love that after i spend a day with you i can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and i love that you are the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night." - When Harry Met Sally

2009-11-09T22:31:00.001+08:00

i realise i haven't been blogging for a long timeeee.
suddenly had the urge to blog, yet having a difficult time finding something to blog about. hmmm

oh yeah, my tp's tomorrow.
i know im going to fail.
i wish i wouldn't be alone :(

2009-11-05T23:15:00.002+08:00

claudy says:

LOL!!!

hmmmm

there are so many girls who like him!!

how i compete sia! :(

they comfirm better than me right?

DARLS~ says:

they suck

claudy says:

AHHAHA

how would you know that ?!

ahahah

but it's sweet of you to say that (:

DARLS~ says:

i still think my best friend's the best

2009-10-12T14:43:00.002+08:00

i saw this on the blog which shuxian sent me last night called http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/.
this post was for october 11 2009. read it.

it happened just like every other time. different place, different people, different words, i thought even a different me but still the same outcome. it always comes out the same. i think ive moved on, i think im ready to be friends again, i think im over him. so i start a conversation, begin catching up, rebuilding, starting over. every time im so positive that this time will be the last time that he and i have to become friends, this time will be different, this time it will work. this time everything i want will come true. i was so sure this time.we're friends, we're together, we're hurting each other, we're fighting, we're alone again.then we give each other some space and try it all over again. you would have thought at least one of us would learn from the millionth time. but neither of us do.loves meant to be simple. if you love him and he loves you then you are in love. if you are in love you are together. its never been like that though. not even from the first minute we met.

i fell for him almost as soon as i saw him. there was just this amazing link between the two of us. it was so strong people neither of us knew picked up on it. it wasnt that i had a crush on him, it wasnt that i liked him, it was more. i was in love, not that i knew it at that point. and then it started. i fell and he didnt. i changed he fell i changed back. we were together and then we werent. we moved on then we moved back. and sure enough we ended again. he fell and i didnt. i fell and he couldnt. but then he did. i finally caught on and fell into him. at that moment we fell evenly, finally. we were equals in love, nobody was king and nobody was jester. and it was wonderful. then we both fell away. and then back together.and now im stuck right back where i was. completely in love and with a totally broken heart. i want more than anything else to be able to accept that we arent going to go anywhere because we arent. i just want to be at the stage where i know in my mind and my heart that while we arent going to work god dammit we gave it our best shot. and its not that i havent tried everything i can think of to move on. you can bet your life that ive tried every trick in the book. in fact i rewrote the book, adding in all my crazy desperate ideas that i tried once i had exhausted the book. but still when i lie awake at night im left wondering if i really did try everything. if i really did try my hardest. or if i only made it look like that. because, really, deep down somewhere even though he is so wrong for me and i am so wrong for him maybe i dont want to stop loving him. but the smart thing, the logical thing to do is to get the communication happening between my head and my heart. get my head to make my heart see reason. get it to see the truth about me and him. we dont work. we wont work.we arent the right kind of wrong. we arent the wrong kind of right. we are just the wrong kind of wrong.

being right means that i wont have him to tell me that mum didnt mean what she just said.being right means that i wont get any more applogy texts cause he fell asleep on me the night before.being right means that i cant claim a bed to myself after parties that he hasnt gone to.being right means that i wont have him to cover me in sand when i fall asleep at the beach.being right means that i dont have him to convince me to miss school or work cause he knew that i secretly wanted to spend the day with him.being right means that i dont have an offer from him to warn off guys for me, even if its just an offer.being right means that i wont be thinking about him when im singing along to love songs.being right means that i cant have anymore of his goodbye kisses.being right means that i wont have him.being right means that i loose everything that has made up the past two years.so i know that this isnt going to work. i know that i am going to get hurt again. i know that my friends will have run out of sympathy by the next time i come crying to them. i know that im missing out on wonderful people by being caught up with him. i know that im not going to come out of this alive. but also i know that im in love.and im not ready to let that go just yet.or ever.so lets be wrong together. not the good kind. not the right kind. the wrong kind. our kind.cause i know no matter how much i deny it, not matter what i tell my friends, no matter who im with or what im doing, im thinking up ways to make us work.
-by bec

speaks my soul.

2009-10-03T01:23:00.002+08:00

countdown : 6 days. the last week of my 18th year is approaching.
maybe i'm abnormal or something because i'm not looking forward to it. it's not that my friends are evil people and give me things which i hate, in fact, i always like the things they give me, but i think this year, they wouldn't be able to give me what i truly waant ):

so anyway, to distract myself. omg. i.am.totally.one.blur.kuku.head.
so i had to skip communcation lecture yesterday to go for a check up with my gynaecologist( i'm not sure if that's the right spelling).
he told me that i needed to undergo a blood test in so that he would be able to check my hormones. As you all pprobably know, yours truly is a scaredy cat who is afraid of the slightest things. thus, upon hearing the word blood, i was kinda like freaking out already. while waiting for him to prescribe me my medicine and everything, my mom started chatting to him about church and everything because he, similar to my family was quite a strong catholic. i guess i got overly nervous or distracted because i needed to ask him for my MC. but instead of calling him doctor, the words that came out of my mouth were: EH, FATHER! ( which is a term we use to call catholic priests) omg. the horror of that mistake. the nurses, my mother and himself erupted into laughter. omg. super embarrassing. although frankly, ifeel that he looks rather happy being called a priest. ahhaha !

today, i went for driving lesson again. my test is drawing nearer and still, i feel that i still give my instructor a heart attack everytime i'm behind the wheel. today, i learnt driving though! and guess where he brought me to learn? the cemetery. nope, you did not read wrongly, he really brought me to the cemetery to learn parking-_- i felt rather... freaky. as though i am disturbing them with the frequent dropping of my poles. ahha ! oh well. it was rather interesting. i can't wait to get my license(:

there's a bad feeling that i am going to lose you sooner or later.
only you, can give me the present that nobody else can.

2009-09-27T15:21:00.007+08:00

this is just a glimpse of our photos taken last friday to celebrate darling fanghan's birthday! these four...... i can never imagine life without them. they help me to take time off my busy life and just breathe. these are the rare few.... i have no facades with.

this week was crazy. i'm still feeling lost.

areyouokay?

2009-09-21T00:33:00.001+08:00

bestie shared her prayer with me ! praise god for this darling girl he's placed into my life!<3

BESTIE !!!!!(: says:
ahahahahas! tis is random bt let's pray hon,
dear Lord, i thank you for all your blessings and for being here with us every single day of our lifes. thank you Lord for one another that no matter how bad things go, we know that there is always one another to lie on. Lord we pray thee that you will heal our broken hearts Lord and we would like to entrust our lifes into your mighty hands Lord for we
Know that things are not working out now because you have someone else better in mind for us Lord God and we know that you will always have our best interest at heart and know who will be the best fit for us. Lord God, we pray thee that you will send these people into our lives Lord God almighty, not so they can date us right away, as we acknowledge the importance of starting out as friends first
and slowly progressing from there. Pray that they can be a friend to us sooner and help us to slowly take away the pain in our hearts with their friendly love and concern. If these people are already in our lives, Lord God I pray thee that you will draw us closer together and become friends in the truest form and be able to turn to one another, rely on one another n understand one another.
Lord God, we pray that you will hear our prayers dear Lord God almighty, for your word promises that if we ask, it’ll be given onto us. We thank you for your loving kindness and believe you have a bright future and life planned ahead for us. Help us to live in this knowledge n hope so we won’t grow disheartened and be so sorrowful still. In Jesus name we pray and give thanks, amen.

2009-09-20T21:04:00.002+08:00

went for mass today. it mentioned something about if things didn't go my way, it means that i did not pray properly for it. If i prayed and it still does not go how i want it to go, it means that i prayed for the wrong thing because it's for my own desires and not god's will.

this sentence struck me.
bestie and i have been feeling really down of late.
and i really wanna help her?
but i mean seriously, how do you cheer someone up if i don't even feel cheerful isn't it ?

the common things that people say about me is : oh ! claudia's so cheerful and bubbly!
little do they know the truth.

i'm kinda back to the habit of blogging. mainly, because i no longer know how to express myself in front of people and i don't wanna burden my friends because of how i feel.

i really want to stop feeling this way. i know it gets a tad depressing reading my blog. hahaha ! my apologies for it.

so you're gone and i'm haunted and i bet that you're just fine.

2009-09-19T12:03:00.002+08:00

i thought that i will be fine,
mommy often say that i'm the kind who takes things up easily so i'll be able to put things down as simply.
i'm proven wrong.
i don't feel as if i'm in denial, but i really felt ok for the majority of last week.
i only cried all i could for one day and the rest were laughters, smiles and jumping around.
but i can feel it now,
it's coming back.
the sadness and loss are all coming in like a tsunami,
all at the same time, exclaiming : sorry, we're late! but we're here now, and we'll make you suffer!

i'm scared. really scared.

i need to know.

is this really the end?
are you really not going to give us a go?

2009-09-18T19:51:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING FANGHAN!
<3

2009-09-16T00:04:00.000+08:00

BESTIE !!!!!(: says:
how u feeling hon? to cheer u up, i was supposed to write a 80words thing abt my fave person/fave event n i could only use 1 syllabus words n given my slow brain, i didn't managed to write much bt e starting sentence is:
A sweet girl who is full of cheer, as warm as the sun's bright ray. Small jokes are all it takes to make her laughs be heard from far and wide. She squeals, she jumps and whines a lot, she is like a child at times!

i <3 bestie much much! haha

2009-09-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

i have no idea whether i should feel happy and sad. haha !

sidenote: thanks to the darlings out there who commented on my blog! appreciate much ((: please keep them coming!

2009-09-12T02:05:00.003+08:00

this seems to be my only blog left which has the right format and everything. so maybe i'll move back here. haha ! i just wasted a day. only completed my Coms blog. tried doing my esl essay outline but the question's soooooo @%!@$%@!$ . ahha ! hopefully, i'll get it done by tmr morning or afternoon and the rest of the weekend can be focused on maths and socio.

school's been... i dont know. i just feel weird not being myself in uni now. the people are good, don't get me wrong. i feel that it's my problem. i was much more open and friendly and enthusiastic in JC . now, i'm like switching between an atomic bomb and a sweet. sometimes, explosive. other times, nice.maybe what people say are true. as we grow older, the walls around us grow tall with us too. now, i am more selective about the people i allow into my personal space. how am i to survive these three years.

all i want for birthday is you.

2009-08-05T16:43:00.000+08:00

have not been updating, sorry !
been sick and sleeping and eating.
so am officially fat and ugly and cranky!
ahah
kidding. i seem to be losing more and more interest in blogging. maybe this blog shall die someday.
August 27th this year will officially be the first death anniversary of faith's blog. haha ! how sad.

will you be coming?

2009-07-26T00:51:00.002+08:00

haven't updated for a while now! hahaha
but im still lazy.
so let you all see my old and new hairstyle
AHAHA

2009-07-13T23:40:00.002+08:00

albeit being happy about what you said, part of me still feels really scared.
you're so good, im really afraid you'll move on in life.... with someone else but not me . it's easy for you to get anyone you like. suddenly, i become so uncertain about myself.
i'm not a special girl.
and there's this part in me that is doubting.
that ... you said those things out of gratitude for what i've done. instead of saying it because of me as a person . hard to understand what i've said, yes. haha but i doubt so you'll read it anyway .
please dont have a change in heart.

2009-07-07T06:27:00.002+08:00

i no longer think it's jetlag.
my parents have both gotten back to the local routine.
but i haven't slept for the whole night.
i tried.
thrice.
and now, i just give it up altogether.
i really want to sleep.
gosh, who has a solution to cure insomnia? ):

2009-07-06T01:58:00.002+08:00

i skipped session and morning mass today , due to jetlag and feeling sick ):
i kinda love my voice now because it sounds sexy yo ! hahah
anyway , i've decided to not exoect anything.
korkor darling told me that having expectations equates to disappointments.
having no expectation leads to happiness because every small good thing that happen will you feel glad little by little.

went to meet my girls yesterday at Bishan!<3
thinking back , we've known each other for 7 whole years ! and still counting yo.
i've heard from people telling me that the closest friends that will stay by you will be found from secondary school and also in junior colleges ( note that i've left out polys, not meaning to cause offence to anyone, but i've heard that it's hard to make true friends in poly due to high competitiveness?) well, so far, half of it is true because my secondary school friends are still as tight as ever!

now it's time for see if latter part holds truth in it. i certainly hope it will.
because i've said it many times before, and i'm going to say it again , that junior college was the best part of my education despite the stress and all.

the feeling of belonging was there and well, everyone got through many things together as one. now everyone's about to venture onto their different routes, be it overseas or locally, army or studies. i know for certain that everyone will bound to meet new faces, make new friends, but i hope everyone will make new ones and not forget old friends. truth be told, the future certainly scares me .

i hate changes, farewells. these two issues are what TERRIFIES me a great deal. yes, uh huh , i'm someone who does not like to step out from my comfort zone. heh !

you joked saying that you're already forgetting us.
please don't.

2009-07-05T04:26:00.002+08:00

haha how apt.
after i've written that previous post, i went back to bed in an attempt to fall asleep again, after all, lack in sleep results in weight gain !! *gasp! the horror.
ahah.

anyway , i started playing songs from my phone.
and the song that happened to be playing was Next To You by Jodin Sparks.
i listened carefully to its lyrics, and, voila! it was what i wanted to say! or rather, the gist of it. haha!

so here are the lyrics, and go youtube it if you guys want. it's a lovely song(:

two o clock and i wish i was sleeping
you're in my head like a song on the radio
all i know is that i got to get next to you
yeah i got to get next to you
sitting here turning minutes into hours
to find the nerve just to call you on the telephone
you don't know that i got to get next to you.

maybe we're friends
maybe we're more
maybe it's just my imagination
but i see you stare just a little too long
and it makes me start to wonder
so baby call me crazy
but i think you feel it too
maybe i, maybe i,
just got to get next to you.

i asked around and i heard that you were talking
told my girl that you thought i was out of your league
what a fool, i got to get next to you, whoa
yeah it's five in tha morning and i can't go to sleep
case i wish, yeah i wish that you knew what you mean to me
baby, let's get together and end this mystery, oh

maybe we're friends
maybe we're more
maybe it's just my imagination
but i see you stare just a little too long
and it makes me start to wonder
so baby call me crazy
but i think you feel it too
maybe i, maybe i,
just got to get next to you.

whatcha got to say? whatcha got to do?
how you get the one you want to want to get next to you?

whatcha got to say? whatcha got to do?
how you get the one you want to want to get next to you?

whatcha got to say? whatcha got to do?
how you get the one you want to want to get next to you?

maybe we're friends
maybe we're more
maybe it's just my imagination
but i see you stare just a little too long
and it makes me start to wonder
so baby call me crazy
but i think you feel it too
maybe i, maybe i,
just got to get next to you.

2009-07-05T02:55:00.004+08:00

i came back with the intention of blogging all about the wonderful experiences i had at Lourdes and well, also the not so good experience i had at Paris. but, i'm currently in no mood to blog about those. so, i shall postpone the post about that for another time.

there's another reason why i desperately wanted to leave Singapore initially actually. one which i didn't tell anyone until i came back . but well, i went partly with the intention of forgetting someone-my first love, if i daresay. we were never together. and it wasn't easy having him as my well, first love. we liked each other at one point in time. or rather, HE likeD me one point in time, no need to mention about myself.and even if i do write about how i feel about him. i doubt so he'll know that it's him IF he reads this, hence the courage to write it. haha!

anyway , to continue the story ,i went away feeling glad? nono, rather, relieved! yes, relief that i could just fly away and everything that happened in singapore would just stay here, or even better, fly away too and never come back . but, as all of you can guessed, it was my wishful thinking. don't misunderstand, it wasn't that i wanted to forget those memories. nono, they were beautiful memories and he was, IS a great guy . the problems lies in the fact that well, i think it is impossible between us ? if we were meant to be , wouldn't we have gotten together a long time ago? instead, there were many signs that seems to be implying to me that we would be impossible . also, i do really think that i'm not good enough for him. once he gets out again , he could have gotten many better girls. way better than me . i'm too clumsy , too noisy, too .... everything i guess that are not good enough for him . so yeah , i wanted to dash all my hopes. and well just see him purely as a friend.
however, it was such a feat to accomplish afterall.

while i was away , i dreamt of him thrice. THRICE. and those dreams were the kinda dreams that made me not want to wake up ? because they were soooo nice, soooo sweet. and of course, only possible of happening in dreams. and dreams, well, dreams has all along been an issue which scares me for i could never figure out what they mean. and to me , dreams never do come true. so you can understand why i didn't wanna wake up. haha !

anyway , when i came back, it seems that not only have i not got over him , i seem to have fallen in even deeper. so deep, it scares me for nobody has ever had such an impact over me. haha and i have no idea when i fell.but we talked and ... in that conversation, he said some things which, well, call me a fool, but it ignited a hope in me again . i mean , do guys treat normal friends that way ? i never could figure guys out. i often offer great advices for my friends, or rather, advices which managed to cheer them up one way or another? but i am a fool when it comes to myself.

friends have called me hopeless. faith, fanghan, etc etc. haha i agree. im hopeless when it comes to him . and it is no joke when night falls. because that's the time i become really really upset. my jetlag, my nonstop coughing, coupled with my longing for him makes every night difficult.

and i no longer want to trouble or irritate any of my friends with my nonstop babbling of him. so i keep it in silently and try to control it, giving them the reason of my moodlessness the result of my jetlag.

i wonder what god is trying to do. if he doesn't want us together, then couldn't he at least make it easier for me to got over him ? but part of me knows that , i don't want to get over him. yes yes , i am contradicting myself like always.

and please don't assume you know who i'm talking about ( talking ESPECIALLY about you, patson goh, if you happen to read this, because that is exactly what i know you'll do ! haha you mightn't be correct) i guess i just need to vent everything out. i am feeling a tad fearful at blogging this post because i can foresee the scandals that would arise if people reads this. but, something inside me is stopping me from deleting it. ahhh, heck it.

they say that everyone won't forget their first loves. i guess they forgot to mention too that it isn't necessarily a good thing in not forgetting them.

2009-06-14T00:50:00.002+08:00

hello !
so anyway , in case you all don't know, i'll be flying off to LOURDES this coming thursday with my parents for a pilgrimage(:
which is about St Bernadette and mother mary.
if you guys are interested in this story, enjoy whatever i'll be showing below and feel free to ask me any questions which you all want ~ hahaha

Lourdes is a village in France where Our Blessed Mother appeared eighteen times to Bernadette Soubirous in 1858. Her messages to Bernadette are ageless and apply to all of us today.

Bernadette Soubirous was born on January 7, 1844. She was the first child of Francois Soubirous and Louise Soubirous (Casterot). Her father was a miller who provided a comfortable living for his family. Bernadette had six brothers and two sisters. Only three of her siblings lived beyond the age of ten. These loses bonded the family together in strength and love. Bernadette once said that she had never heard her parents quarrel. The family was always at peace. This solid family foundation left Bernadette emotionally balanced in times of trouble and when faced with poverty and illnesses which were to come.

A series of events which began in 1854 changed their lives. Bernadette's father was falsely accused of stealing two sacks of flour and was imprisoned for many days. There was a drought which lasted for two years and drastically affected the wheat harvest and work at the mill. And finally, the steam mills that resulted from the Industrial Revolution put Francois' mill out of business, and he was out of work. The family was reduced to living in a one-room dwelling called the Cachot, which was formerly used as a jail. During this same period Bernadette contracted cholera. The high fevers caused her to suffer physically the rest of her life. She suffered emotionally also. She felt the heart ache of being excluded as people pointed to her family as the ones who live in the Cachot. Her physical illnesses prevented her from going to school. At age 14 she spoke only the dialect of Lourdes. She was unable to read or write or speak French, and the Catechism was taught in French only. She went to Mass, but she was not allowed to receive Holy Communion with her friends. Sometimes Bernadette's only comfort was her mother's love. Later, Fr. Pomian prepared Bernadette for First Holy Communion. There was something about Bernadette that moved the Hosts of Heavenly Hearts. She was blessed with eighteen divine apparitions, and the world is forever changed and will never forget Bernadette.

The First Apparition - Thursday, February 11, 1858:
After dinner on the Thursday before Ash Wednesday, Bernadette's mother told her children that there was no more wood in the house. Bernadette and her sister, Toinette, and a neighbor friend, Jeanne Abadie, went to the river Gave to gather wood. They had to cross a canal of cold water. Fearing that she would have an asthma attack, Bernadette stayed on the bank, and the other two girls crossed the stream and picked up wood under the grotto until they disappeared along the Gave.

Bernadette heard a great noise like the sound of a storm, but nothing was moving. She was frightened and stood straight up, loosing all power of speech and thought. She turned her head towards the Grotto of Massabieille and saw in the opening of the rock a rosebush, one only, moving as if it were very windy. Almost at the same time, there came out of the interior of the grotto a golden-colored cloud, and soon afterwards, a Lady, young and beautiful --exceedingly beautiful -- the likes of whom she had never seen, came and placed herself at the entrance of the opening above the rosebush. She looked at Bernadette and immediately smiled and signaled her to advance, in a way that a mother motions her child to come near. Bernadette took out her rosary and knelt before the Lady, who also had a rosary on her right arm. When Bernadette tried to begin saying the rosary by making the sign of the cross, her arm was paralyzed. It was only after the Lady had made the sign of the cross herself that Bernadette was able to do the same. As Bernadette prayed the rosary, the Lady passed the beads of her rosary between her fingers, but remained silent. She did recite the Gloria's with her, however. When the recitation of the rosary was finished, the Lady returned to the interior of the rock and the golden cloud disappeared with her.

Bernadette told her sister of the extraordinary things that had happened to her at the grotto, asking her to keep it a secret. Throughout the day the image of the Lady remained in her mind. In the evening at the family prayer Bernadette was troubled and began to cry. When her mother asked what was the matter, her sister told her everything. Bernadette's mother told her that these were illusions, and forbid her to return to Massabieille.

Bernadette could not sleep that night. The face of the Lady, so good and so gracious, returned incessantly to her memory. It was useless to recall what her mother had said because she did not believe that she had been deceived. Her conviction of this was unshakable. She went on to describe the Beautiful Lady in detail:

"She has the appearance of a young girl of sixteen or seventeen. She is dressed in a white robe, girdled at the waist with a blue ribbon which flows down all around it. A yoke closes it in graceful pleats at the base of the neck. The sleeves are long and tight-fitting. She wears upon her head a veil which is also white. This veil gives just a glimpse of her hair and then falls down at the back below her waist. Her feet are bare but covered by the last folds of her robe except at the point where a yellow rose shines upon each of them. She holds on her right arm a rosary of white beads with a chain of gold shinning like the two roses on her feet." On Sunday, Bernadette's mother allowed her to return to the grotto.

The Second Apparition - Sunday, February 14, 1858:
The three little girls started out, armed with a vial of holy water. If what their elders said was true, they might need this to ward off malign influences. Instead of throwing the water at the Lady, Bernadette poured the water quietly on the ground. Then she turned and told her companion that, judging by the Beautiful Lady's smile, She was pleased by this action. Before Jeanne Abadie, who was just arriving, could explain that she had thrown a stone for fun, the others had scattered in every direction, screaming for help as they ran. When Toinette reached the cachot (home) and poured out her story, her mother seized a switch and headed for the site. By now the whole town was talking. Fortunately for the unhappy little Bernadette, one local woman of considerable prominence interpreted the apparitions in a different light from most of the townspeople. She got Louise's permission to let her daughter Bernadette accompany her and a friend to the grotto.

The Third Apparition - Thursday, February 18, 1858:
All three went first to early Mass. Then they set out for the grotto. Madame Millet carried a blessed candle; Antoinette Peyret a pen, paper and ink to record anything that might be said. The Beautiful Lady said to Bernadette: "There is no need for me to write down what I have to say to you. Will you be so kind as to come here every day for fifteen days?" No explicit reason was given for this request, but a definite pledge accompanied it: though she did not promise that Bernadette would be happy in the world, the Beautiful Lady gave her word that happiness would be waiting in heaven.

The Fourth Apparition - Friday, February 19, 1858:
Bernadette's parents and her aunt accompanied her to the Grotto along with some neighbors. Shortly after Bernadette began to pray the Rosary, everyone present noticed that her face was transfigured and illuminated.

The Fifth Apparition - Saturday, February 20, 1858:
On Her fifth visit, the Beautiful Lady taught Bernadette a prayer, which she recited daily for the rest of her life. She never revealed the prayer to anyone, but she did say that she was told to always bring a blessed candle with her. Candles now burn perpetually at the Shrine.

The Sixth Apparition - Sunday, February 21, 1858:
The Beautiful Lady told Bernadette on this occasion to "pray for sinners", which she never failed to do. Several hundred people were present on that day, including Dr. Dozous, a prominent physician in Lourdes. He told the crowd that he could find nothing abnormal about Bernadette's physical condition, even when her mental state was trancelike: "Her pulse was regular, her respiration easy, and nothing indicated nervous excitement."

A meeting was called by the citizens of the town, and sharp differences of opinion were expressed regarding the apparitions. They expressed concern for the dangers that could accompany gatherings of such large crowds. They persuaded the Procurer Imperial, M. Dutour, to officially forbid Bernadette to return to the Grotto. Bernadette responded that she could not give her word to refrain from going to the Grotto because she had promised the Beautiful Lady she would do so. Dutour dismissed her, and discussed this matter with two local officials: M. Jacomet, the Chief of Police; and M. Estrade, who was to become Bernadette's and Dutour's friend and who was also to perform an invaluable service by listening in at future conversations and scrupulously recording them word for word.

Estrade recorded a conversation between the Chief of Police and Bernadette. During that meeting, M.Jacomet deliberately tried to confuse Bernadette to change her account of the apparitions. When that attempt failed, the Chief of Police released Bernadette to the custody of her father with an admonition that he take her home and guarantee that there would be no further disturbances. But the interior call which was urging her on was stronger than any earthly admonition.

On Monday, February 22, 1858, Bernadette returned to the Grotto after school. Two policemen saw her and followed her, and so did the usual crowd. The policemen stood at respectful attention as she knelt down in her accustomed place. But as she arose, they sprang forward and asked her if she still insisted that she had seen a Beautiful Lady. "No, this time I saw nothing at all," she answered. She was allowed to go home, but she was taunted and threatened. People said mockingly that the Beautiful Lady was afraid of the police and had found some safer place to go.

The Seventh Apparition - Tuesday, February 23, 1858:
Approximately two hundred people were present at this apparition. When Bernadette's appearance was once more transformed, the men present removed their hats and fell to their knees. Bernadette appeared to be gravely serious and listening, and then joyful, and she would occasionally bow low. At the conclusion of the vision, which lasted an hour, Bernadette moved on her knees toward the rose bush and kissed the ground. When asked what the Lady had said, Bernadette replied that the Lady had entrusted her with three secrets, which she never revealed.

The Eighth Apparition - Wednesday, February 24, 1858:
During the eighth apparition, Bernadette turned and faced the crowd of more than four hundred people, and three times she repeated, "penitence, penitence, penitence!"

The Ninth Apparition - Thursday, February 25, 1858:
During this apparition, the Beautiful Lady told Bernadette to, "drink from the fountain and bathe in it." Bernadette was puzzled; there had never been a fountain at Massabieille, or any kind of a natural spring. She began to scratch the loose gravel off the ground which encircled her. As she did so, she noticed that the ground beneath her was moist, and that a little pool was forming and bubbles were rising from it. She cupped her hands together and drank, and then washed her face. The next day, the pool was overflowing and water was dripping down over the rock. The following day, the trickle had become a real stream. Of course, it was immediately said -- and has been said by skeptics ever since -- that the spring was there all the time. The fact remains that Bernadette did find the spring as the result of a direct command.

The Tenth Apparition - Saturday, February 27, 1858:
On this occasion, the Beautiful Lady told Bernadette to "kiss the ground on behalf of sinners." She immediately did so, and the crowd followed her example.

The Eleventh Apparition - Sunday, February 28, 1858:
There were approximately two thousand spectators at the Grotto that morning. The Lady asked Bernadette to tell the clergy to build a chapel on the site of the Grotto.

The Twelfth Apparition - Monday, March 1, 1858:
During this apparition, the Lady commented to Bernadette that she was not using her own Rosary, which was an accurate statement. Bernadette had been asked by Pauline Sans to use Pauline's Rosary at the Grotto that day.

The Thirteenth Apparition - Tuesday, March 2, 1858:
Bernadette arrived at the Grotto early in the morning, prayed the Rosary in the presence of the Lady, who remained silent except for the Gloria's.

The Fourteenth Apparition - Wednesday, March 3, 1858:
During this apparition, the Lady repeated that She wanted a chapel built by the clergy and, additionally, that She wanted people to come to this chapel in processional form. Bernadette was terribly afraid of the parish priest, Abbe Peyramale. It had been difficult for her to go to him the first time about building a chapel, but it took a great deal of courage for her to present herself to him a second time about processions. He dismissed her curtly, ordering her to tell the Beautiful Lady that the Cure of Lourdes was not in the habit of dealing with mysterious strangers; that if She wanted a chapel -- if She had a right to one -- She must reveal Her identity.

The Fifteenth Apparition - Thursday, March 4, 1858:
By now, most everyone in France knew that March 4th was the last of the fifteen days that Bernadette had promised the Lady that she would be present at the Grotto. Twenty thousand people were present that day, including an entire military garrison in full-dress uniform. As Bernadette approached the apparition site, a path was cleared for her, and the soldiers who accompanied her did so with respect. After the apparition, Bernadette told the crowd that she would continue coming to the Grotto because the Beautiful Lady had said nothing in the form of a farewell. The crowd was disappointed and disillusioned. They had seen Bernadette transfigured with a strange radiance, but they had hoped to also share her vision, to hear the same voice that she did, and they expected that, at the very least, the rosebush would burst into a sudden miraculous bloom.

The Sixteenth Apparition - Thursday, March 25, 1858:
During the sixteenth apparition, which occurred on the Feast of the Annunciation, the Beautiful Lady revealed her identity to Bernadette: "Que soy era Immaculado Conception", I am the Immaculate Conception. Bernadette was not sure what this name meant, but people who needed no explanation flocked to Lourdes in greater numbers than ever before. Baron Massy, a local official, ordered Bernadette to be examined by three more physicians. They found her to be physically and mentally sound.

The Seventeenth Apparition - Wednesday, April 7, 1858:
Bernadette had never failed to bring a lighted candle to the Grotto since the first time she had been instructed to do so by the Beautiful Lady. During this apparition, she unconsciously placed one of her hands over the flame of the candle. People witnessed the flame burning through her fingers. Bernadette did not even hear the cries of horror which arose from the crowd. She continued to pray for at least fifteen minutes while the flame burned through her hand. She emerged quietly from prayer unscathed. Then Dr. Dozous took another candle and, without warning, touched the flame to her hand. Bernadette immediately cried out in pain. Shortly after this apparition, the Prefect took matters into his own hands and ordered the Grotto closed, and the rustic altar was dismantled.

The Eighteenth Apparition - Friday, July 16, 1858:
Bernadette seemed relieved that she was becoming less of a public figure. Several months had passed, and after receiving communion on the feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, Bernadette felt an irresistible urge to return to the Grotto. Since the barricade was still in place, she and her aunt could not get as close to the sacred spot as they wanted, so they knelt in the grass, and the Beautiful Lady appeared to her one last time.

Bernadette joined the order of the Sisters of Charity. Throughout her life she remained sickly, but attended patiently to her duties as infirmarian and sacristan. She died a holy death on April 16, 1879. She was 34 years old. Bernadette was buried on the convent grounds in Nevers, France. Her body was exhumed thirty years later on September 22, 1909, in the presence of two doctors, several appointed officials, and nuns from the local convent. When Bernadette's coffin was opened, there was no odor, and her body was completely untouched by the laws of nature.

A second exhumation took place on April 3, 1919. The body of the then declared Venerable was found in the same state of preservation as ten years earlier, except that the face was slightly discolored, due to the washing it had undergone during the first exhumation. A worker in wax was entrusted with the task of coating the face of the Saint who had been dead forty years. The sacred relic (Bernadette's body) was placed in a coffin of gold and glass and can be viewed to this very day in the Chapel of Saint Bernadette at the motherhouse in Nevers, France.

Note: In a book by Ruth Cranston, originally published by Doubleday in 1955, (I have an updated 1988 version), I am amazed by the testimonies and accounts of thousands who have claimed healing due to the miraculous waters of the Grotto of Massabieille, in Lourdes France. Hundreds of cases have been reviewed by the Medical Bureau of Lourdes and deemed to be of a supernatural nature. The water from the Grotto still flows today, and people continue to attest to the healing powers of this God-given grace.

and that is where i'll be going and I CANT WAIT! :D
ps. if you guys want to see the body of St Bernadette, just go and google it and type in St Bernadette of Lourdes. should be simple to find.
she really is beautiful. i went to see her real body in the the coffin when i was in primary five if i'm not wrong. and for once, i didn't feel fearful . hahaha soooo ... go see (:

2009-06-12T18:27:00.003+08:00

today , i stayed home to accompany mommy!
she taught me how to do this facial thing using cucumbers.
ahhaha ! so funny.
apparently it has a whitening effect and will help in closing pores and basically improving skin condition ! ahha
but it was tough yo ! because you have to slice the cucumber to very very slim slices? until it's almost transparent?
and when you put it onto your face, wow ! the feeling was awesome ! because it felt SUPER cooling! ahha but it just kept falling off.
and because i laugh easily, it just kept falling off!
hahaha ! ok , this whole paragraph just makes me seem like a bimbo. haha!

anyway , the point about me writing this post is because i wanna thank my dearly beloved A01!!!(:
because you darlings were just super cooperative !!!
ahhaha i shan't elaborate more here lest that person reads it , although i doubt so that person will read! but better be safe than sorry !!
our secret for now eh, A01s? ((:
i just so love all of you laas!
and for patson's information ,
i will do it for ANYONE of you sweethearts!
so im not BIASED! hahaha

ohoh !!
and i was listening through my itunes?
and suddenly the song < i hope you dance> started playing.
then i suddenly felt really nostalgic when miss phua played this song for us to listen to last year nearing our A's
AWWW.. i just love our class so very much yo (:

2009-06-11T00:32:00.002+08:00

i realised that my past posts have been a ramblings of nothing.
i don't think they make sense to anyone.
haha. i feel like just deleting my tag board so i wouldn't need to know who reads my blog.
at the same time, i seem to realise that my teenage years are slowly coming to an end, fading away and yet, i don't seem to accomplish many things that are well, appealing to teenagers. haha !
i wonder if i'll regret it when i grow old and start saying : shucks ! i should have done this or that.
i remember making a list of things when i was 16 years old of which i will complete by the time i turn 21. i even made shuxian and phyllis my witnesses. haha but it seems to have been a failure.
i haven't done anything particularly exciting or dangerous.
i haven't learnt driving( it isn't as simple as how i had imagined initially)
most importantly, while many of my friends have like fallen in and out of love so many times.
i haven't gone through a relationship which leaves me deliriously and passionately in love.
as each year passes, it occurred to me that the probability of me falling head over heels with someone reduces greatly as i am expected to be more mature in relationships as i grow older.
my life has all along been at most, dramatic.
but never , risky nor dangerous nor exciting.
i have no idea why i'm saying all this.
i guess i just felt like blogging something so i'm just writing anything that came into my head.

2009-06-09T08:37:00.003+08:00

how do i truly feel?
a failure.
everytime i attempy to plan something,
it always fails.
people will come up to me to tell it that they cant go last minute due to blah blah blah reasons.
then what am i suppose to say?
i mean ,
everyone has their own free will.
who am i to force them and say : NO ! YOU'VE AGREED SO YOU HAVE TO COME !
i mean so what if they do eventually go anyway ?
is it really what they want?
why force someone into doing something they dont like?
i just wish that people who aren't going for events can well, take the initiative to tell me or at least bother telling me EARLIER?
i mean, some people dont even bothering replying and some only told me only when it was more or less confirmed.
seriously, mommy has told me to stop being itchy hands and stop organising for everyone.
and im always going : ok ! i'm going to stop planning anymore! but do i keep to it?
no i dont. i still go on as usual .
maybe i do deserve it.
i mean it's not anyone's fault if i have too high expectations in everyone right?
i guess i just really treasure everyone and am selfish in wanting to keep them together. afterall, everyone do make a difference to the outing whether they know it or not.
so maybe, it is my fault and no one else's then .
well, learnt my lesson.

2009-06-04T00:45:00.003+08:00

should have known that it wouldn't be a good year this year.
indeed it is not.
when one problem is more or less solved, another one would surfaced.
and to think that i had imagined my A levels year to be the worst.
friends wise, academic wise, love wise, FAMILY wise.
everything seems so screwed up.
the worse thing is ,
i can't tell anyone about them because i was told to keep them confidential.
and it's ironic how some people think they know me so very very well, inside out,
when in fact, they have barely skimmed the surface.
how much more i can handle.

2009-05-29T00:24:00.003+08:00

have not blogged here for so long.
thanks to the lousy internet connection here.
' internet explorer is unable to be displayed ' is such a common sight that i can sense myself eventually giving up trying to post something .
haha !
anyway , had an awesome catch up session with pauline mah and lim fanghan yesterday ! and went to meet up with faith today . hahaha !
i guess due to me falling sick, i feel so tired nowadays .
i can diagnose my own cause of sickness: LACK OF SUFFICIENT REST! hahah

im rambling again , aren't i ? i keep doing that these days . ahhhhh ~
kisses for you ~~ MUACKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSS !!!

2009-05-22T00:55:00.001+08:00

THANK YOU JEANNIE ONG!!!!<3

2009-05-19T16:14:00.002+08:00

if a person is too confident, the best way to lower their confidence level, is to just make them apply for university admission.
haha.
the world is just so cruel.
whether or not you are good doesn't depend on your all year round performance, it depends, unfortunately on a one time thing.
so what if you usually emerge top in your gp exams?
or you're usually the one who teaches other people in their maths problems ?
if you fall sick on the day of the exam, or just aint your usual self, you're gone if you screw that particular paper.
it IS just that unfair.
accept it, move on.
anyone can succeed as long as they work hard.

my confidence level has never reach this low before.

2009-05-18T11:52:00.002+08:00

sick sick sick sick sick.
sorethroat sorethroat sorethroat.
hate falling sick.
this year seems to be an extremely weak year.
haha
maybe staying home too much isn't healthy
haha

2009-05-17T00:50:00.001+08:00

2009-05-15T00:55:00.002+08:00

Aqidah showed me this video about Taiwanese criticising Singaporeans English.
to my surprise, although i DO complain a lot about they systems in Singapores and all, but hearing criticisms coming out of another nation's mouth, i felt really really horrid.

i mean , seriously, don't they think that they are being biased? according to that guy, so he has been to Singapore for two months. but, so? is that enough to know ALL about Singapore and the way we speak? hell, i myself have lived here for 18.5 years and i don't even dare to say i know a lot. so who is he to say that Singaporeans speak that way , when in fact, we don't? well, maybe a small minority does, but i feel that it's not right to judge a whole nation base on a few months experiences.

they laugh at our english .
wait and see who'll get the last laugh in future.
HAHA

2009-05-13T19:16:00.002+08:00

so mommy's day just past and i just hope mommy knows jsut how special she is to me and korkor!((:

and it's so funny. because i decided to msg my best friends to wish their mothers? so i went like : happy mothers' day to mommy lee or like happy mothers' day to mommy ong! but they didn't get it ? because one started scolding me for calling her a mom? and the other called me her daughter? it was so funny, really.

so anyway , this past five months, i really feel as though i've wasted my time away. yet, i don't really know how to make up for it now. i mean what can i do now? when i'm suppose to fly away for holiday in June and school starts in August?

yeah , learning driving now. so hopefully i'll be able to drive myself around by the time august comes round? and i was hoping to study for my grade 8 theory exam so that i can take my diploma. but i've checked and the closing date for exam registration has already closed )):

ahhhh. i hate it when life is in stagnation mode and when i don't seem to have any aims or goals in life.

i really want to ask how you're doing. but i daren't.

2009-05-09T00:27:00.002+08:00

the worst feeling comes when i'm with my parents together with brother dearest and his significant other.
when my dad starts commenting telling my mom: awww, you look so lovely.... do you need me to help you take the food.... etc etc....
or when my bro starts asking me : hey mei mei, help me and cheryl to take photo here... there.....
and in every photo, it will either be my parents taking together. or my brother with his girlfriend.
then they'll start saying: hey, help mei mei to take a photo.
and then subsequent photos will portray me standing alone in them taking shots.
maybe i'm being too sensitive or too left out... i'm not sure .
but i do know that the feeling really hits me hard.
and i'm left wondering if they were pitying me for not being able to find someone or .... i don't know.
haha .
ahhhh, i guess i'm just probably whining.
i'm such an attention seeker . heh

but sometimes, i would start wishing that my brother and i were kids again . playing street fighter along car seat windows and in our minds were just ... simple, innocent, childlike playfulness.

p.s sorry noriko, faith, shuxian. really truly sorry )): for bailing out on you guys . i know you've been looking forward to the gathering tomorrow. trust me , i do feel the same too. sorry i had to be the wet blanket.

2009-05-07T15:00:00.004+08:00

so there you go! these few days spend with them are really a joy.

haha ! shirlene tan and i surprised bestie on mon ! causing her to drop her phone ! HEHEHHEHEH her expression was priceless man ! and for once, my surprise didn't fail. haha !

then yesterday , i went jogging with bestie in the morning !!! we managed to run 7 rounds and walked 1 round ! heh but we got sun burnt though): my face, and her shoulders. oh noooo. let's choose a better timing the next time okay bestie?

i've got to get on a diet because SOMEONE said that i look like i've gain weight !!! hahaha jokingly, but ... i myself think so)):

anyway , i vote SHIRLENE TAN to have the honour of becoming the best wife ever. lucky alvin. heh ! ohohoh ! thanks for teaching me to cook, im now the master of slicing mushrooms. heh! let's do this again someday girls ! it was really a blast ! heh. the thing which i never included shall be kept as a secret between the three of us yeah?(:

why do i always let you get to me ?

2009-05-04T23:17:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY DARLING BESTIE ! <3

HOPE YOU REALLY HAD THE SURPRISE OF YOUR LIFE TODAY ! HEH ! shall upload photos sooon okay??(:

and the above photos are just a few of the very many which i took with my beloved A01ians on SAT! heh

i'm worried about you .

everything will be fine, i promise~

AFFIRMATION

2009-04-27T00:06:00.002+08:00

today ... i was sooo tired, i couldn't wake up in time to attend session .
so after mass, i went to at least say hi .
and wow.
god really has his ways!
they were doing a session on affirmation
and i woke up from feeing down.
because to god, i was special unique and priceless.
i do make a difference in people's lives!

thus, when i came out of session ,
i decided , to affirm the people around me !
i think i gave many people a heart attack when they suddenly recieved a message from me saying how good they are and what i love about them.
haha ! but it's all true .

the world is just too full of criticisms and unhappiness.
a little affirmation could just be the cure to that (:

2009-04-23T01:18:00.001+08:00

Sorry.
I wrote it out of anger.
Really sorry.

BEST FRIENDS

2009-04-22T01:57:00.004+08:00

first.
thanks so much my best friends!!
FAITH LEE
JEANNIE ONG
<3
serious.
i really feel very very lucky to have known you .
it's my honour to be both your best friend.
thanks for being there for me when i needed you two the most.
thanks for your encouraging words and behaviour.
both of you always treat me with such sincerity and genuinity that i know i can always be myself around you two and there is no need for pretence, masks or whatsoever.
you two accept me for who i am .
we might be different, yes.
in terms of behaviour, mindsets and everything .
but i want you two to know that .....
YOU TWO WERE, STILL AM AND WILL BE FOREVER MY BEST FRIENDS.I LOVE YOU GIRLS <3

p.s thanks for cleaning my tears up just now. and for the phone talks! i'm glad both of you found your prince charmings. looking forward to your happily ever afters !! i'll be the bridemaid, yes? (:

second,
thanks aqidah .
i know it's been really hard on you having to bear my ranting and venting and nonsense today .sorry.
thanks for helping me out last night though! really appreciated(:

third,
i'm going to confront you .
why?
because i'm left with no choice, no other alternative.
i'm not being a child throwing a tantrum , picking a fight .
please dont see me as an enemy .
i'm just trying to refrain from having more misunderstandings between the two of us .
i just want to clear the air, uphold my reputation and give you back your good reputation which should be yours, yes ?
please.
i'm scared too.
freaked out in fact.
and dreading what is ahead of me .
but.
i'm going to risk everything .
because i treasure you .
and i believe in you .
so don't let me down, once again.

2009-04-20T09:59:00.002+08:00

so yet another week has past and a new one is just starting.
i can't wait too go for holiday.
i just loves holidays.
all you do is sleep eat have fun.
plus, it takes you away from reality and all things in life which you want to put aside.

i wish i was born in a winter country.
best is if it's a country which snows.
even better if i meet my first love when the first snowflake falls and we will be pllaying together in the snow.
oh gosh, why am i such a hopeless romantic?
cause i know all these wouldn't happen.
so i should stop now, yes?

actually, i have no idea why i'm writing all these.
i just feel like i need to blog. but i didn't know what to blog about.
ahhhh! yet another crappy post-_-

ps. i love my blog song btw(:

2009-04-16T00:24:00.002+08:00

I've been reading Paulo Coelho's book " eleven minutes".
people, if you want to find a book, grab that book !
it's so inspiring and enlightening , leading you to much self discovery and making me nod and repeating many " ya ..... true..... right ! omg! why didn't i think of that! " yes yes ... i'm a deep thinker bimbo-_- i'm going to write down somethings in that book which i find totally touched me deep but ... not today ! ahah creating the .... suspennnnnssssseeee ! ahahha nah , actually it's cause i wanna read finish and then write down all in one shot. ahha !

anyway, i've been feeling soooo tired ! been rushing to complete some things and omg !!! my very own fairytale ! so happy with it ! sadly, i'll never see it again . sigh.... bye .... byeeeeee princess claudyyyyy ~ i'll miss you !!! and i hope someone treasures and treats you the right way and don't chuck you aside!! since you're in my possession now, i shall take many many photos of you in remembrance! i wish someone can write a fairytale for me . i'll be sooooo super ..... duper ..... touched((: especially if it's from my prince ~ *swoooons yet again. AHHAHAHAHAHA ! kidding.

anyway , here's a shoutout to these two people ! although i'm not sure if they'll read this ...

BOB !! life certainly is a rollar coaster ride for you . but hang in there! there's always a point where the ride ends and stops and stability and equilibrium re-enters you life ((:

LIONEL !! i know you're not having a good time in army... but know that you'll never be alone ! even if we're not there by your side physically, we'll always be a phonecall/ message away ((:

ps. FAITH, FANGHAN, PAULINE !!!! LATER LATER LATER !!!! SUSHI BUFFET !!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOTS !!!! CAN'T WAIT !!! WE'RE GONNA GONNA GONNNA ..... HAVE A ROCK AND ROLL TIME !! SO MUCH TO TELL YOU GIRLS !!!!(:

i'm sounding kind of high now i don't know why . must be due to fatigue. ahhaha ! see you guys later ! (:

2009-04-13T15:50:00.004+08:00

Holy week's over.

this year, i must say has been one of my most meaningful holy week ever.

Cornerstone was assign to be in charge of Maundy Thursday and Reversal Stations Of The Cross session. Well, i did take away a lot this year. Thinking about next year, i wonder if Cornerstone is able to be as involved in Holy Week as this year, seeing how many of our guys are in army. So, Thank you God, for bringing me to Cornerstone this year, probably our last year for rather long time where we can participate so actively.

I'm going to miss our boys!!!!!! Come back more macho and all yo ~

I'm freaking out yet again at the lack of call from some organisations.

sigh.

please hurry call and end my anguish .

please please pretty please with sugar on top?

btw, thanks for sending me halfway home~

confuse all over again.

2009-04-08T16:12:00.002+08:00

Maundy's Thursday is tomorrow...
i'm assigned to play the song " Above All"
However, hearing Hubert's playing makes me feel soooo inferior.
He's like grade 0, yet he plays even better than me , a grade 8.
Certs, sometimes.... they don't mean a thing.
Attaining a cert doesn't mean that i am better or more superior to others.
we need to be humble (:
so pray for me , that i'll be able to play well for God and be an instrument his message can pass through from me to his people.

This period of time for me really sucks.
When people around me keeps telling me that they've been accepted, or have been shortlisted for an interview.... the more my anxiety increases.
and then, i'll feel so mean .
because i should be feeling happy that they got accepted or shortlisted.
but i know deep down inside me , how i wish that that person was me instead.
can't wait for my life to stabilize.

is this how it's all going to end?
with us not talking anymore?

2009-04-06T01:13:00.002+08:00

Everything happens for a reason.

a boy that is not drop dead gorgeous. neither is he cute.

there was something that was attractive about him though.

he spoke first, initial intention was to only ask a trivial question.

sidetracked, felt a connection as the trivial question led on to a long conversation.

it felt nice, it felt comfortable.

everything happens for a reason.

i shall serve fully with the right reasons.

SECOND CHANCES-JANE GREEN

2009-04-03T00:08:00.005+08:00

He wasn't ordinarily her type, but perhaps, she thought then , that wasn't such a bad thing. and where had her type got her anyway? A series of destructive, disappointing relationships in which Holly always seemed to be the one who got hurt. She told herself that it was okay to settle. That she could be grown up for once and make a grown up decision. That it would be enough. During her entire marriage, when Holly's thoughts turned to Tom, Tom was always there as the symbol of what might have been. He wasn't just the one that got away, the road not taken, the love she didn't choose. Tom was the one Holly knew deep down she could have been with. And so the loss is double. She is grieving for hr best friend, a man she loves, and she is grieving for the life she was never able to have.

Tom said," i know. Isn't that why you love me ?"

"Speaking of love," Holly felt a familiar flutter. Here it was again. Like a constant merry go round, she was sitting across the table, aged twenty five, looking at the face she knew better than anyone's in the world, her best friend, and all she could think of was what it would feel like to kiss him.

".... are you .... seeing anyone?" She fidgeted on her seat. Nervous.

" Why? Do you fancy me again?"

it had become a standing joke between them, this falling in and out of love with each other, but to Holly's embarrassment she found herself lost for words, a deep blush spreading across her face.

" Oh God," Tom was mortified." I didn't mean that. Oh God, Holly. If you's told me two months ago."

" Two months ago i was with Jake."

"I know." Tom smiled." i was horribly jealous."

" Well why didn't you say anything?"

" Because you were with Jake. What difference would it have made?"

" i might have dumped him for you."

i started driving lessons today. whoamygosh, it was such a heart attack. i love turning the wheels and turning corners though, it's pure fun, minus the stepping too hard on the gas pedal and forgetting to press and realise the clutch problem, i must say that it was a relatively okay lesson, wait till i get my license yo!!! (:

although, nobody dares to sit in my car currently.sigh.

this week, i daresay, isn't a good week for quite a number of people.

i hope next week will be a better one!

i'm rambling on and on because i have no idea what i'm writing, i recall looking through other people's blog and wondering how they can write so well(:

anyway, i'm gonna meet up for shopping with Fiona tomorrow followed by hanging out with Aqidah before going to Hougang to have dinner with Lionel and Patson ! WOOTS!!((:

Fiona introduced me to a really fun photo website and i got super obsessed with it. See how nice they come out to be(:

Indeed, there was an eclipse and your hormones rage, thank god~

2009-04-01T17:56:00.001+08:00

may there be an eclipse tonight and your homones
rage-change decisions, change decisions, change decisions~

2009-03-30T03:49:00.004+08:00

It's late, and i know i should be sleeping instead of typing this tirade of ramblings.

however, i can't seem to fall in slumber and instead, this thought flashed across my mind..it amuses me how when we are able to get the things we desire, we start to take them for granted? and only when we find ourself in another situation that is much worst off do we then yearn back for the initial thing which we had taken for granted?

take for example, i had to sleepover at grandma's place last night as she was all alone at home, but ( call me a spoilt brat or anything-_-) i couldn't seem to get to sleep anyhow! because it was SUPER warm, and i felt really uncomfortable. At that moment,i seriously DESIRED my bed, my room, my house. i was thinking then: omg!! if im at home now, i could just crash right onto my bed and be asleep right now! but then look at now... what am i doing? i'm in my own house, my own room, sitting on my own bed typing all these and i'm doing everything else except sleep. which i really ought to be doing... so i was then thinking.. yes .. i do think quite a lot, the irony of life? we don't get what we want... so we desire.... but once we get what we desire.... we take them fo granted.... and this feeling only ends when we lose them ... so we desire again ... and then soon, eventually.. we'll start taking them for granted. and this mindless cycle keeps repeating itself. i feel quite like a genius to derive this logic myself really... but ... i have no idea why i'm typing all these. haha!

so anyway, i went to cut my hair today! and nope, i didn't go to my usual hairdresser.... because mommy wanted me to go under her Shiseido package where she'll buy $150 worth of products which entitles me to a free haircut by a stylist who specially flew in from Japan for just three days. So, anyway, all initial doubt and uncertainty immediately flew away when i saw the way my stylist went : SNIP SNIP SNIP with his scissors... and he was SOOOOOO NICE AND SOOOOOO SWEET! often repeating the words: aligatok! and Kawaii-Deska! and Thank You very Much! i have to say that it was by far my most polite and funniest hair cut experience, with me not understanding japanese and he not really understanding english, it's a wonder how he even managed to cut what i had requested. but still, he did a REALLY awesome job i must say for i REALLY REALLY love it alot, leaving only sadness in me when he finished cutting. why? well, because i was wondering next time when i need another haircut, WHO CAN I GO TO!!!!!*GASPS! i really want to go back to him ? but sadly, he'll be in japan )): i even contemplated flying over to Japan to find him in future and marry him if nobody wants me since i could at least get a nice hair cut everyday right ? ahhaha but i got scolded by my mom when i suggested that to her and she told me to banish that thought. yet she herself often say that i should marry a fruit seller so that she can have free fruits to eat everyday -_-

so anyway, here's my new haircut! i don't care if others find it ugly or whatever, i love it and that's all that matters!! (:

when are we going to end all this childishness and start talking to each other again, i wonder?

2009-03-26T00:01:00.007+08:00

SECOND
CHANCES

Tom became her best friend. When Daniel dumped Holly for Lisa- one of the bitchier girls in her class-Tom was the one who comforted Holly, who confessed that he had fancied Holly when they first met but that now he was glad that they were just friends, especially since he'd just started
going out with Isabelle.And of course Holly, who had gotten over Tom completely, found herself
developing a major crush on Tom again. Except by the time he and Isabelle split up, she found herself going out with Dom Parks and she and Tom drifted apart for a while- and by the time Holly and Tom rediscovered their friendship, A levels were looming and they both knew one another far too well for there to be anything between them other than friendship.

Holly remembers how Tom used to smile at her across the desk as they worked in the library. Sometimes she'd be buried in revision and she'd look up and catch Tom's eye and he'd grin; and even then, even when she was over her crush, no longer spent nights crying in her bed as she listened over and over again to the sond track for Save the best for last. Even then she knew that whatever she and Tom had, it was special. and maybe at some point in the future they would find one another again.

Holly spreads photos out on the floor and starts to move them around. She pulls one from the pile. It's Tom and some girl. She had seen the photo and had demanded to have it because Tom looked so handsome, smiling next to the girl she hadn't liked. he looked almost model-like, and
Holly had been so proud of knowing him. Tom had cracked up laughing when Holly had said she was taking it. " I'm going to cut her out and stick me in instead," she had said with an evil glint, and Tom had shaken his head as if he didn't know what to do with Holly, which he didn't. She was, in turn, funny, delightful, warm, wise and insufferable, jealous , insecure and impossible. He loved her but didn't know how he could live with her. he loved her but wasn't in love with her. NOT TODAY, at least. She just was. Holly Mac. A fact of his life. Someone that would always be a part of him. As he would always be a part of her.

Ironic much? Wasted much ? Familiar much?

2009-03-21T21:40:00.003+08:00

i worry about you~

2009-03-17T18:08:00.004+08:00

so off he flies again ! yes, Mr Leo Nardo flew back to Indo yesterday again. Darlings Fiona and Aqidah, together with me went to the airport with the intention of surprising him and to send him off. Although we did take quite a few photos and i initially wanted to upload all of them onto this blog, i realised that if i wanted people to focus on what i want to say, the best way for them to actually READ my words is to just not have many photos for i know it's really tempting to just admire the photos and skip the reading part, hence, the one photo which i uploaded happens to be my favourite from yesterday as i think it portrays natural happiness, just the way i want to remember my two favourite people in my JC life who helped in contributing to my best memories in SR- LEO and FIONA

i remembered the first time i met them. i actually knew fiona before i got to know leo. i was still thinking : ohmygosh! how am i suppose to click with this girl? for in my mind, fiona was this really nice, and i mean... REALLY nice and friendly girl? but the first impression i got from her , note that it has changed though, was that albeit nice, she would be slightly boring and a goody two shoes? so i wasn't expecting me to be close to her at all. as for leo, my encounter with him was rather funny actually... because he had the good boy look and with his shirt neatly tucked in and short hair, he didn't really leave an impression on me initially. all i thought about him was: okaaaaayyyy...... this guy .... is ...hmmmm.... going to be Mr Nice guy BUT he's also going to be a NERD. and because we didn't really talk to each other at first, i put all thoughts of being close to him at the back of my head too.

HOWEVER, just like how life always deliver surprises to us, right now, i can confidently say that the two of them are the two blessings which god has granted me in my JC life.

Fiona turned out to be the one of the lovely people whom i grew really close to ?? she could tell if im unhappy or troubled and something in her .... just makes me trust her in everything i tell her and i could always rely on her to protect me . of course, gradually, i did tell her that i thought she was a bore and she got kinda offended but let me tell you, a bore is definitely not what Fiona Quek is. In fact, if you ask me now, she's one of the cutest blurest(yes, uh huh !), and the girl who brought me lots of joy and memories in school !Fun, Joy and laughter comes along when i'm around her. Her letters are always a source of motivation for me, to push me on and to give me support. with her, i know i can just be myself, apart from the shopping part though, cause it still IS stressful shopping with her haha ! but apart from all that, she's an angel God sent from above to watch over me (:

As for our dearest Mr Nardo, WHEW, he's the epitome of DONT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER, as shown on the first day when i took the bus home with him. Somehow, i recall we ventured into the topic of relationships? and i was taken aback when he told me the number of times he dated. i was literally stunned into silence as it was totally not what i expected from him ? infact, it was the total opposite of what i thought of him ? the more i knew him , the more surprising things i realise about him. i dont' know why... but he ended up to be the one i quarrel, or rather, bicker with the most?? and the weirdest fact was that we will bicker about the most ridiculous things under the sun ? we would just bicker and bicker for hours until i feel totally drained and exasperated. at one time, i thought that there's something wrong between us... until i realise.. that maybe that is just the way we communicate.still, i somehow understand how he could have dated soooo many times, judging from how much even my mom loves him -_- and how charming he is towards other girls. note the word: OTHER. haha ! for now, everyone just pray that he'll be able to study locally so that everyone will get to see him more!! and so that he wont fall into the grasps of ____________________ (:
p.s i'm writing this cause i feel that i've been treating him rather badly? but, if
he ever reads this, oh gosh, his head is gonna swell up soooo much , he wont be able to walk out of the room-_- hahah ! alright , i see i can't help in being mean towards him even as i'm praising him-_-

people have asked me before why i like taking photos so much .... and it recently dawn upon me that not only do i like taking photos, i love giving photos and letters to people too. ssome people might think that it's due to my narcissistic nature, well.... maybe ??? haha ! but i think i just love giving these presents cause if you notice, photos portray memories and photos are usually taken when one feels happy ! as for letters, i think well, i do express myself much better in writing you see... so i guess that is why ? photos and letters bring a great amount of joy to me and everytime i recieve such presents, it'll light up my face with a beam?

just want to say,
FIONA QUEK!
LEO NARDO !

THANKS FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE(:
IM OPTIMISTIC ABOUT OUR FUTURE(:

2009-03-15T01:04:00.006+08:00

i hung out with my favourite people today .
although it was a tad tiring, but i didn't mind it a bit,
as long as it's for them, everything's worth it.
i love you !!!

i hope aqidah, mai and steph are feeling better too !!! i'll pray for them ((:
and of course... i shall also pray about .... the other matter.

2009-03-13T01:38:00.004+08:00

photos are from spending a day with the stoners at IKEA! it was real fun o !!
it's weird how we're so different yet connected by one similarity-GOD(:
thank you god, for letting me be part of this community !

anyway, was talking to bob and he made me think of many many issues.
sometimes, we face problems in our relationship with other people merely due to a breakdown in communication.so if there's anyone to be blame, the answer is... everyone ought to be blame in one way or another ! we may think that we explain ourselves very clearly, but we fail to realise that the other party isn't psychic and hence may not really know what we're trying to put across to them? my point is... sometimes, it may just be a mistake of pride coming first, it may be a simple mistake of overlooking some facts, but no matter what, i think that people shouldn't let these small trivial matters affect the relationship which took many years and hard work to build up ? so yeah, just my thoughts.

2009-03-11T02:06:00.003+08:00

a love story ?

they weren't meant to be.
afterall, he did promise to bring another girl to this dinner as his date hasn't he ?
but, maybe it's fate, maybe it's just pure coincidence,
he and she turned up in rather matching outfits.
she didn't feel so, but others commented about it so she suppose they must be true?
anyway... he wasn't supppose to go with her.
however, due to geographical convenience, they ended up arriving together.
she thought that he'll go immediately to his date when they arrived at the hotel,
but surprisingly, he offered her his arm and ask her to hold onto it.
stunned, she silently pay heed although it was rather awkward.
he took really good care of her that night,
helping her to find her table which was sweet of him,
considering the crowd and the number of girls whom he could have helped, but he still remembered to help her without even helping his own date.
when they reached their table, he took his seat in an instant, but she and his initial date were standing around hesitantly, wondering who should be seated beside him as the seat to his other side was already occupied.
he saw that, and he hasten her to seat beside him, leaving his date to sit two seats away instead.
she felt really bad for his date... yet ... deep down inside, she knew that she was flattered that he treated her that way.
the food arrived.
this time, the girl seated at his other side took the food and placed it on his plate.
however, he did not really pay heed to it and turned to her instead posing this question : hey, would you like some food?
to which, the girl shyly said, and note that this girl is USUALLY NOT shy ...in fact, she was the outgoing sort, it confused her as to why she felt shy then. anyway, she replied him : uhhhh hmmmm okay ... and smiled at him .
he took the food from his plate, yes, the food which the other girl took for him and placed it on her plate instead.
throughout that whole night, they were like in a world of their own.
she doesn't know if he noticed it
but out of the other people at the same table, the two of them were seated the closest to each other.
she liked that he treated her so nicely.
like a .... princess.YES.PRINCESS.
he often use that term to tease her .
to which, she'll be angry as it implied taht she was spoilt and pampered.
but at this instant, she loved that term.
her wish that night .... was that the night would never end.
it was a magical night , one which would not repeat itself.
one which would always remain in her heart and mind as she reminisce about it wistfully with a faraway look in her eyes.
maybe she thought too much about it,
maybe she wasn't even on his mind,
maybe he was just being nice,
maybe he did like her then.
she doesn't know ...
for there were many maybes.

is that a love story ?
she hope that it is.

2009-03-09T01:38:00.004+08:00

MAKE IT MUTUAL:

a quiet moment making my footprints on the sand.
a sweet feeling comes surrounding me.
it's delirious.

now that's a suger rush.
my heart is beating oh so fast,
i don't wanna rush but i wanna make it last.

there's no need to rush.
we can take our time.
let it go the natural way.

we begin as friends
and who knows what
where this could be taking me

in this nice cool breeze.
yes i am all at ease.
when i gush.
and this sweet feeling comes to me.

can't deny, can't lie, can't really face the truth.
and i wonder if you're feeling the same way too.

you know what i would like?
i'd like to get to know you more.
make them mutual
boy, you know you wanna know me too.

this is how you make me feel.
when you're here,i feel your vibe,
and i hope i don't fall in too deep too fast.

you are not the type,
who'll rush this right,
and let it slip away.

well, i like your type,
caught up in this tide.
it's kinda silly but i'll say.

in this nice cool breeze.
yes i am all at ease.
when i gush.
and this sweet feeling comes to me.

can't deny, can't lie, can't really face the truth.
and i wonder if you're feeling the same way too.

in this nice cool breeze.
yes i am all at ease.
when i gush.
and this sweet feeling comes to me.

can't deny, can't lie, can't really face the truth.
and i wonder if you're feeling the same way too.

in this nice cool breeze.
yes i am all at ease.
when i gush.
and this sweet feeling comes to me.

can't deny, can't lie, can't really face the truth.
and i wonder if you're feeling the same way too.

i hope you get what i'm trying to tell you when i send you this song someday, honey.

2009-03-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

so you're cold now,
i guess we dont stand a chance now, do we?
make it mutual.

2009-03-05T15:32:00.002+08:00

so this time tomorrow, i would have recieve back my results.
let me remain strong, help me trust in you o lord.
that no matter what happens, i should just continue trusting you .

i've been blog hopping,
and it dawned upon me that even the people who appear the most playful, the most happy go lucky people.... they do have serious thought running through their minds too...
alright, it's quite a nonsense realisation but i don't know why i'm still amuse at that finding.

i really miss A01'08.
i miss classing with them.
i miss canteening/ cafe-ing with them.
i miss talking annd laughing with fiona.
i miss bickering with leo over the dumbest things possible.
i miss aqidah for her presence.
i miss getting disturbed by patson.
i miss being bimbotic with shirlene.
i miss sharing life experiences with charlotte.
i miss 'rivalling' with mai.
i miss lionel for his laughter.
i miss steph for being steph.

i miss them the most.
they're still the best people i could ever have prayed for in my class(:

2009-03-04T08:06:00.002+08:00

i know i should thankful to God for all the blessings he has placed upon me.
i do, i do thank him for everything he has helped me with.
maybe, this is a test, a test he has to put me through to strengthen me up.
i've never been in such a situation before, which explains why i only slept at around the wee hours in the morning and wake up so early too.

why ... why do i have to know you .
i thought there was something between us.
we talked, we bonded, we clicked well.
and then .... you went to get yourself attached.
or rather, you went back to your old flame.

and YOU !
you really piss me off you know.
i remember nicole asking me how is it possible to be in a love hate relationship.
hating someone yet knowing you love him too.
well, i perfectly understood what she meant when she said that ?
why ! why didn't you tell me at that time !
don't you think it's unfair ?
why does the success of our could have been relationship fall in your hands?
i am so sad you have such little faith in us.
i know there are many obstacles, and well, we dont exactly live in harmony with each other? i daresay, we could even bicker about the littlest things?
but who ever said that love is easy ?

there are not many guys whom i'll accept,
you're one of the few whom i'll say yes to,
truthfully, i haven't establish the reason why.
but whoever said that love needs a reason ?
besides, i think that real love requires no reason at all
cause it means you fully accept the other party , flaws, strengths and all.
still, you didn't give us a shot.
will we have a chance in future?

2009-02-24T16:20:00.003+08:00

my lovely cornerstone (:

2009-02-24T01:03:00.002+08:00

i've been rather down and lost of late. i believe it is due to me not having any goals or aim in my current life. if you know me, without anything to work for, i'll start feeling as though i'm just drifting along in life and there's nothing meaningful to live for apart from god of course.
heard that results will be out next friday, 6th march. i am so terrified of what i'm going to face. especially for GP. oh gosh... i really did try for GP. so please please let me do okay for it and the rest of my other subjects too of course, although i kinda know that my maths would be a goner.
i have no idea how i'm going to survive this ordeal till i get back my results.

and you.
being around you ... sometimes makes me feel that i'm taking life for granted and that it's time to wake up. i can for certain say that you're the only person so far to make me feel as though i'm a really spoilt and pampered princess. my family have been telling me that for ages, even leo ... he keeps calling me princess. but i merely put them off as being exaggerating. but seeing your lifestyle... you actually have the capability of making me feel guilty . of making me wake up to reality, that no, i don't wanna spend my life just drifting along.

gosh, i wish i could just hurry get into university and get back into studying mode.
it's true what people often say. you'll only truly know how to treasure things when you've lost them. so yes, i daresay that i took studying for granted. i used to think that i was the most unlucky girl in the whole world for having to slog day and night through homework, tests, books.... now.... i'll do anything just to get to study what i really want to major in.

i'm praying for you, honey.
you're so brilliant, i'm confident in you (:

2009-02-19T02:13:00.002+08:00

so what now ?
are you attached or single?
yes, indeed i do ask many questions.
maybe too many...
but i'm appalled and wondering why in the world you didn't tell me about that when you had so many chances too?
instead no, i had to find it out from another person's mouth instead.
it was like a pin bursting the expanding bubble surrounding me.
thanks a lot.this deceit.

2009-02-15T20:59:00.002+08:00

bronchitis.
thats what the doctor diagnosed me with just now.
from a common fever flu to bronchitis.
oh gosh.. im starting to feel scared cause i dont like the feeling of coughing so hard.
it's really painful on my throat. and im starting to wonder if i'll get well )):
feeling really depress.

i love being around you,baby
you keep me safe.
please... please.... dont disappoint me

2009-02-13T16:44:00.001+08:00

i need a job desperately.
ahhh.... help.

2009-02-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

Lun Tat says:
haha
Lun Tat says:
you pray for me
Lun Tat says:
i pray for you
Lun Tat says:
we pray tgther
Lun Tat says:
then the flu tgther gone

isn't that guy the sweetest ?(:

2009-02-11T22:40:00.002+08:00

hello ! i realise i haven't updated my blog in quite some time.
i decided to change my blogskin cause well, i do love dancing, it's the one thing that makes me feel very free?? i kinda like that feeling.

hahaha anyway , loads of things to update.
first things first,
goodbye , jac)):
i feel really really sad cause i was looking forward to getting to know you better after you recovered? but i know for certain... that you're in a much much better place now. you'll always be in our prayers and minds.cornerstone loves you and may our cranes bring our well wishes and prayers up along with you (ps. uh ... confession to make though, those with the uh ... really crumpled wings and all? i folded those. heh)

second, BASIC THEORY !!! i actually passed my BASIC THEORY ! OMG... HOW AWESOME !!! im living in my fantasy of actually being able to drive... ahha i think i should get a small small car so that my short body (yes people, rejoice for i finally admit that im short-_-) can actually reach the accelerating pedal and brakes. hahaha !

ok, im sick and that's why all of the above, except the part about jac .... is all rubbish . hahahah

2009-01-29T16:24:00.002+08:00

oh, the pains of being neither here nor there in life.
i loathe this feeling of not belonging to anywhere.
sure, i used to complain in school about having to study so hard, whining about the short sleeping hours in order to meet deadlines of strict teachers. oh, how i miss those exciting, chaotic, uphill, downswings filled school days.
at least, i knew ! i knew that i belong to somewhere, that i was a student of a Junior College. when i got scolded, i knew that at least the teachers know that im their responsibility, and when im getting ready to step into the hall for my papers, i knew that there'll be a table reserve for me.
now, i feel lost, as i was struggling to write my resume, i realise that my future now depends on me and me alone. im no longer anyone's responsibility ( at least, till im in uni that is !) and it's scary. i rather sacrifice my sleeping hours if that means i have an aim in life, rather get scolded by teachers if that means that im not alone and that someone's responsible of looking after me.
sometimes when i help mommy take care of her students, i'll look at them and i actually get envious of them ! now, instead of being taken care of.... i have to take up the responsiblity of taking care of others.
i cant wait to get into uni. at least maybe when im in, this dreadful feeling will go away and i'll be okay again .
i need a protective hug badly.

2009-01-21T22:23:00.001+08:00

i've tried my best.
the ball is in your court.
give up if you want to.
i'll get the message then.

2009-01-21T00:05:00.001+08:00

im smitten by a pretty boy with big warm hands and a wonderful personality.
life's complicated.

2009-01-19T16:02:00.002+08:00

children are the only group of people who have the ability to cheer me up and make me smile effortlessly when im down. i've really enjoyed my time helping mommy take care of her students.ambition:to be a teacher (:

ps. the rest of you darlings too play a significant role in cheering miss claudia up ((: you, my dearest friends, are important to me ((: so please dont vanish, it'll break my heart.....

2009-01-17T14:09:00.002+08:00

(A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle)

Girl: Slow down. I’m scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, it’s too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. (Girl hugs him)
Guy: Can u take my helmet off and put it on? It’s bugging me.

In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on the motorcycle, but only one survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke,
but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him, felt
her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so she would live even though it
meant he would die.

2009-01-17T13:41:00.004+08:00

is this a sign ? i came across this story by chance on the net... which, made me cry. hahah

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was quite very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling. All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him. I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling.I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart. Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me. I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together. One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him? I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will.Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a dairy that of his life. I cried as it was given to me... As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the guy next to me. Hewas my so called "best friend". I stared at his dark, messy hair, and wished he was mine. But he didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, he walked up to me and asked me for the notes he had missed the day before and i handed them to him. He said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was him. He was in tears, mumbling on and on about how his homies had left him. He asked me to come over because he didn't feel like being alone, so I did. As I sat next to him on the sofa, I stared at his beautiful, brown eyes, wishing he was mine. After 2 hours, one basketball movie, and three bags of chips, he decided to go to sleep. Helooked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year

The day before prom he walked to my locker. "My date is sick" he said; she's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, we were standing at my front door step! I stared at him as he smiled at me and stared at me with his crystal eyes. I want him to be mine, but he isn't thinking of me like that, and I know it. Then he said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as his perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get his diploma. I wanted him to be mine, but he didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyonewent home, he came to me in his smock and hat, and I cried as I hugged him. Then he lifted my head from his shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.A Few

Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That guy is getting married now. I watched him say "I do" and drive off to his new life, married to another woman. I wanted him to be mine, but he didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before he drove away, he came to me and said "you came!". He said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a guy who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a letter that he had wrote during his high school years. This is what it read:I stare at her wishing she was mine, but she doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish she would tell me she loved me!I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried.

how sad these stories are.
is it a sign?

2009-01-16T15:44:00.002+08:00

i was bored... and thus resorted to surfing the net to read wedding proposals, being the ever romantic girl-_- so here are my favourite ones! read , melt and gush over them . im crossing my fingers and praying that i'll be as fortunate as them (: hahaha

My girlfriend and I were doing the long distance thing for almost a year, after meeting on a cruise ship while vacationing in the Carribean. She came up to Canada to visit me for 3 weeks over Christmas from her home in a Chicago suburb. After getting permission from her father, her parents (knowing what I had planned) decided to spend Christmas with us. My girlfriend, Chrissy, thought it would be a good idea to spend Christmas Eve together with her parents and suggested booking reservations at The Keg Steakhouse just down the street from where I lived. Little did she know, a month earlier, I had already booked reservations at another Keg Steakhouse 15 minutes away, overlooking Niagara Falls. Just before we went to dinner, I told her to pack her things for overnight because the restaurant overlooking the falls we were going to also gave me a good deal on a hotel room (which was also booked a month earlier). After having a wonderful, elegant dinner with her parents, we went to our suite on the 38th floor overlooking the Falls. After lighting some candles and opening some champagne, I handed her a gift. She opened it up and inside was a scrapbook that I made. The first page was us as kids (with the help of her mom on some pictures) and a page dedicated to each month we have been together over the past year. On the final page I wrote a letter and read it to her out loud. She thought nothing of it because I read her one for her birthday months earlier. As I started reading the letter, fireworks started to go off over Niagara Falls. She wanted me to keep reading so I continued. When I got to the bottom of the love letter I flipped up the page to reveal "Will you marry me?" in cut out letters. As the fireworks were still going off, I reached behind me and pulled out the strategically placed ring. With tears gushing, she wrapped her arms around me and said "yes,yes,yes".

2. One day Travis woke me up to breakfast-in-bed and told me he had a surprise for me. Our suitcases were packed at the front door and I was very suspicious. Around noon, he began taking me to various places that were important to our relationship. Favourite restraunts, favourite parks, we watched the first movie we had ever seen together, and then that night we took a plane ride to Yellowknife. We then scavengered through all of our childhood memory locations and finally he took me to the theatre where we shared our first kiss. When we got onto the stage, looking out into all the empty seats filled with roses and candles, he proposed to me. With Rod Stewart's "Have I Told You Lately" song playing throughout the auditorium I felt like I was in heaven.

these two are my favourite~ *wistful sigh ......

hahahaha !

2009-01-12T12:57:00.004+08:00

so here i am, with my first job.

although it's not really what i want, im ready to emerge with new experiences and hopefully to learn new things.

anyway, i went for retreat at the st francis xavier major seminary on last sat and sun !

wow, god is really awesome.

i can go in and come out a different person.

same physical self, but diff spiritual emotions.

but.... i shall keep my praises for him in my heart.

if anyone wanna know more about him though, please do feel free to ask me ((:

other than the increase love i have for god, i also brought home something else, and that is ..... the friendship of my community corner stone(:

we were once reserved and closed up.

we know we love god and we wanna grow close, but somehow, there's this distance between us which makes us know that we're only superficially close.

after this retreat though, after a sharing session which we had, during which many of us actually did shared things which are close to our hearts.... so i wanna thank god. thank god for opening our hearts to each other, to be honest.

i miss everyone. lionel called me from army yesterday when he was booking in. and we talked for about half an hour? i miss talking and hanging out with my darling A01. i hope that a chance will arise where everyone would be free enough to meet up !!!

you are still my ever best class, the class im still deeply in love with(:

alright, better go back to work-_-

i am typing this post while earning my wages ... so shhhhh.....

please dont tell my boss (: hahhaha ! oooh and the photos im

posted up ?? i took it wheen i felt bored while working. ahhaha

2009-01-06T21:50:00.013+08:00

ok, i realised i've not been updating my blog for a looooooooooooong loooooooooooong time!! ahahah but there were sooooo many happenings in my life that they just keep piling up and up and i feel increasingly lazy to write about them hence im gonna pick and select photos, and just list the big events that happened since the lasst time i blogged. ahahha. from my genting, kl trip with faith, keith, phyllis and shuxian ( bumped into wilfred too-_-), to christmas party with cornerstone to Penang trip with parents! and actually many more? but i forgot. ahahah ! happy seeing !

2008-12-14T01:03:00.009+08:00

my first perm !!!

with ... my darling bestie !!!

let the photos speak a thousand words. let me know how you guys think about it (:

2008-12-13T00:50:00.002+08:00

look at the moon my darlings !!
it's said to be the roundest, biggest full moon in fifteen years!
enjoy !

anyway, im going to perm my hair with bestie tomorrow!
it's going to be a besties day out ! hahahahaha
i love bestie ((:
we'll look lovely !!!!
or at least, you ! ahhahaha

you disappoint me

2008-12-07T01:21:00.010+08:00

went drinking today !! as in it was our first drinking experience(:

quite weird, yet... im glad to be able to share my first time with these group of people !!!

patson ( it was one day after his birthday and its his first LEGAL drinking experience!), joel, zhixian, lionel, aqidah and myself ! ahhaha

i met up with lionel around three at plaza singapura to buy patson's presents.

under my good taste ( hehehe!!! that was needless to say! hehehe ! jkjk) we eventually bought him a set of tie, hanky and cufflinks and a bottle of AFTERSHAVE( HAH! LIONEL FOO!) hahahah. he's gonna be nice smelling patson from now on ((: not that he was smelly to begin with... nonono. but now he's gonna smell so much nicer!! ahhaha

anyway, after that lionel and i proceed to city hall in search of bars to introduce to the rest later in the night ! omg. note to self: don't ever wear high heels to such ventures next time ! it was so funny? cause it was our first time going drinking ? so we ended up finding bars at high class places such as raffles hotel, chijmes etc.... ahhaha we ended up at this german bar at raffles city. zhixian and joel soon left us and the rest of us continued hanging out. we took photos at the christmas tree cause i think it is so very pretty !! christmas is such an awesome time to celebrate(: it's my favourite time of the year! hahah they said that we looked like tourists but doesn't that add to the fun ? ahahha ! anyway, we walked all the way to suntec city macs cause lionel was ravenous ! hahahaha he ate nuggets hehe! oh !! did i say ? he was sooooo whiny today cause he says that he's getting into army this fri and thus have not much chances to whine anymore.. so let's just humour him shall we? hahahah after that, i bade farewell and went to join my darling parents ! we went to marina square to eat ice cream = me feeling very fat for eating ice cream waffles which explains why im still up at this ungodly hour trying to type this post. -_-

so that's it for today ! you guys always bring me such lovely memories! let's hang out sooooon ! please do be able to make it for dinner this wednesday before you guys ( namely, lionel and patson ) have to get into army ! (((:

nights everyone !! sweet dreams, sleep tight and ...... don't let the bed bugs bite (;

2008-12-07T01:08:00.002+08:00

here's another story (: hahahah

let's call him ....... don and the girl......lulu then !
he was really really talented and knowledgeable.
music, knowledge, art,sports .... he excelled in so many many things.
lulu was soooo taken in by him .....
every achievement he did ..... lulu would definitely be there to witness it.
everytime he played a lovely melody on his guitar, lulu would swoon on her feet for it was really music to her ears.
although he was talented, he was cool in his attitude.
he had many guy friends yet... not many girl friends.
this made lulu desire even more to attract his attention and to be the special girl in his life for.....
it certainly wasn't an easy feat to accomplish....
the cooler he was, the faster she fell for him...
every word, every touching action he did for her grew in significance.
she was usually an outgoing bubbly girl.
it was only around him that she became tongue tied and start to turn red.
they did grow closer.....
however, lulu realise that....
she wasn't herself around him !
and that wasn't what she want now, is it ?
slowly..... she realise.... she learnt....
that it was puppy love, it was infatuation......
afterall, who wouldn't actually like a capable and cool boyfriend?
she learnt eventually, gradually, through many painful lessons that....
it was all superficial... it was meant not to last a lifetime.
Hence, she made a resolution to slowly drift away, get him out of her mind.
it was hard work, yes.
sometimes she almost gave up totally.
but today ..... she agree that it was for the better....
it would be difficult but why not make it a shorter pain ?
everything happens for a reason.... lessons will always be learnt from each relationship.

2008-12-06T00:12:00.002+08:00

just for clarification.... hahha !! mr cool is just a FICTIONAL character who keeps appearing out of many of my girlfriend's lives thats why he's a personification of the type of guy everyone should look out for. haha ! maybe i should delete the sentence that it is open for interpretation. haha ! sorry for any misconceptions yo !!(:

2008-12-04T23:42:00.003+08:00

more photos for prom !! cause they are just so pretty (: heheh !

welcome back to singapore fanglin, leo, bob and yvonne !! haha