Sunday, July 26, 2009
haven't updated for a while now! hahaha
but im still lazy.
so let you all see my old and new hairstyle
AHAHA
♥Sunday, July 26, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
albeit being happy about what you said, part of me still feels really scared.
you're so good, im really afraid you'll move on in life.... with someone else but not me . it's easy for you to get anyone you like. suddenly, i become so uncertain about myself.
i'm not a special girl.
and there's this part in me that is doubting.
that ... you said those things out of gratitude for what i've done. instead of saying it because of me as a person . hard to understand what i've said, yes. haha but i doubt so you'll read it anyway .
please dont have a change in heart.
♥Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
i no longer think it's jetlag.
my parents have both gotten back to the local routine.
but i haven't slept for the whole night.
i tried.
thrice.
and now, i just give it up altogether.
i really want to sleep.
gosh, who has a solution to cure insomnia? ):
♥Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
i skipped session and morning mass today , due to jetlag and feeling sick ):
i kinda love my voice now because it sounds sexy yo ! hahah
anyway , i've decided to not exoect anything.
korkor darling told me that having expectations equates to disappointments.
having no expectation leads to happiness because every small good thing that happen will you feel glad little by little.
went to meet my girls yesterday at Bishan!<3
thinking back , we've known each other for 7 whole years ! and still counting yo.
i've heard from people telling me that the closest friends that will stay by you will be found from secondary school and also in junior colleges ( note that i've left out polys, not meaning to cause offence to anyone, but i've heard that it's hard to make true friends in poly due to high competitiveness?) well, so far, half of it is true because my secondary school friends are still as tight as ever!
now it's time for see if latter part holds truth in it. i certainly hope it will.
because i've said it many times before, and i'm going to say it again , that junior college was the best part of my education despite the stress and all.
the feeling of belonging was there and well, everyone got through many things together as one. now everyone's about to venture onto their different routes, be it overseas or locally, army or studies. i know for certain that everyone will bound to meet new faces, make new friends, but i hope everyone will make new ones and not forget old friends. truth be told, the future certainly scares me .
i hate changes, farewells. these two issues are what TERRIFIES me a great deal. yes, uh huh , i'm someone who does not like to step out from my comfort zone. heh !
you joked saying that you're already forgetting us.
please don't.
♥Monday, July 06, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
haha how apt.
after i've written that previous post, i went back to bed in an attempt to fall asleep again, after all, lack in sleep results in weight gain !! *gasp! the horror.
ahah.
anyway , i started playing songs from my phone.
and the song that happened to be playing was Next To You by Jodin Sparks.
i listened carefully to its lyrics, and, voila! it was what i wanted to say! or rather, the gist of it. haha!
so here are the lyrics, and go youtube it if you guys want. it's a lovely song(:
two o clock and i wish i was sleeping
you're in my head like a song on the radio
all i know is that i got to get next to you
yeah i got to get next to you
sitting here turning minutes into hours
to find the nerve just to call you on the telephone
you don't know that i got to get next to you.
maybe we're friends
maybe we're more
maybe it's just my imagination
but i see you stare just a little too long
and it makes me start to wonder
so baby call me crazy
but i think you feel it too
maybe i, maybe i,
just got to get next to you.
i asked around and i heard that you were talking
told my girl that you thought i was out of your league
what a fool, i got to get next to you, whoa
yeah it's five in tha morning and i can't go to sleep
case i wish, yeah i wish that you knew what you mean to me
baby, let's get together and end this mystery, ohmaybe we're friends
maybe we're more
maybe it's just my imagination
but i see you stare just a little too long
and it makes me start to wonder
so baby call me crazy
but i think you feel it too
maybe i, maybe i,
just got to get next to you.
whatcha got to say? whatcha got to do?
how you get the one you want to want to get next to you?
whatcha got to say? whatcha got to do?
how you get the one you want to want to get next to you?
whatcha got to say? whatcha got to do?
how you get the one you want to want to get next to you?
maybe we're friends
maybe we're more
maybe it's just my imagination
but i see you stare just a little too long
and it makes me start to wonder
so baby call me crazy
but i think you feel it too
maybe i, maybe i,
just got to get next to you.
♥Sunday, July 05, 2009
i came back with the intention of blogging all about the wonderful experiences i had at Lourdes and well, also the not so good experience i had at Paris. but, i'm currently in no mood to blog about those. so, i shall postpone the post about that for another time.
there's another reason why i desperately wanted to leave Singapore initially actually. one which i didn't tell anyone until i came back . but well, i went partly with the intention of forgetting someone-my first love, if i daresay. we were never together. and it wasn't easy having him as my well, first love. we liked each other at one point in time. or rather, HE likeD me one point in time, no need to mention about myself.and even if i do write about how i feel about him. i doubt so he'll know that it's him IF he reads this, hence the courage to write it. haha!
anyway , to continue the story ,i went away feeling glad? nono, rather, relieved! yes, relief that i could just fly away and everything that happened in singapore would just stay here, or even better, fly away too and never come back . but, as all of you can guessed, it was my wishful thinking. don't misunderstand, it wasn't that i wanted to forget those memories. nono, they were beautiful memories and he was, IS a great guy . the problems lies in the fact that well, i think it is impossible between us ? if we were meant to be , wouldn't we have gotten together a long time ago? instead, there were many signs that seems to be implying to me that we would be impossible . also, i do really think that i'm not good enough for him. once he gets out again , he could have gotten many better girls. way better than me . i'm too clumsy , too noisy, too .... everything i guess that are not good enough for him . so yeah , i wanted to dash all my hopes. and well just see him purely as a friend.
however, it was such a feat to accomplish afterall.
while i was away , i dreamt of him thrice. THRICE. and those dreams were the kinda dreams that made me not want to wake up ? because they were soooo nice, soooo sweet. and of course, only possible of happening in dreams. and dreams, well, dreams has all along been an issue which scares me for i could never figure out what they mean. and to me , dreams never do come true. so you can understand why i didn't wanna wake up. haha !
anyway , when i came back, it seems that not only have i not got over him , i seem to have fallen in even deeper. so deep, it scares me for nobody has ever had such an impact over me. haha and i have no idea when i fell.but we talked and ... in that conversation, he said some things which, well, call me a fool, but it ignited a hope in me again . i mean , do guys treat normal friends that way ? i never could figure guys out. i often offer great advices for my friends, or rather, advices which managed to cheer them up one way or another? but i am a fool when it comes to myself.
friends have called me hopeless. faith, fanghan, etc etc. haha i agree. im hopeless when it comes to him . and it is no joke when night falls. because that's the time i become really really upset. my jetlag, my nonstop coughing, coupled with my longing for him makes every night difficult.
and i no longer want to trouble or irritate any of my friends with my nonstop babbling of him. so i keep it in silently and try to control it, giving them the reason of my moodlessness the result of my jetlag.
i wonder what god is trying to do. if he doesn't want us together, then couldn't he at least make it easier for me to got over him ? but part of me knows that , i don't want to get over him. yes yes , i am contradicting myself like always.
and please don't assume you know who i'm talking about ( talking ESPECIALLY about you, patson goh, if you happen to read this, because that is exactly what i know you'll do ! haha you mightn't be correct) i guess i just need to vent everything out. i am feeling a tad fearful at blogging this post because i can foresee the scandals that would arise if people reads this. but, something inside me is stopping me from deleting it. ahhh, heck it.
they say that everyone won't forget their first loves. i guess they forgot to mention too that it isn't necessarily a good thing in not forgetting them.
♥Sunday, July 05, 2009
