She loves to dream. She likes wondering about what could have been, should have been, and may have been. She loves looking at the night-sky - who knows, a shooting star may just fly past one day and she will be able to make her wish. Her wish to be with you.

fanghan came to check out my blog recently.it was kinda hilarious actually cause she showed her sister and he sister asked: why is claudia's blog so depressing? and fanghan replied saying : YA !!!! it's so different from outside cause when im with her, she just can't stop talking!!!
claudia's reaction when she heard this : HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA !!!!:D

but thinking about it, it's kinda true?? i realise that my blog has been a tad depressing !!! and this world is depress enough ain't it ? so this post shall try to balance out the imbalance !! you know ? like the yin and the yang? alright alright .. lame.

it's been long since i've last posted.many things happen which i shall have selective choosing and just give you darlings a gist of the happy ones while attempting to multitask by talking to my beloved darlings online too(:

i got back my mid year results!!!! kinda astonished by them actually.i did much better than CTs? but the ironic thing is that i worked much harder during my CTs than my Mid Years? so im kinda left here feeling astounded and lost. haha . CLAUDIA SHALL WORK HARDER AND SCORE BETTER FOR HER PRELIMS! uh huh, she shall (:

oh ya !!!! i went for the Rexband concert yesterday !!! it was organise by the Indian church group that goes around the world to proclaim the word of god? it was.... well, an eye opener, although, not really my type? hahaha truth be told, i've drifted away from god many times these year. but well now, im ready to go back to him. i've tried doing things on my own, thinking things through on my own,i need you god, i do.please give me the strength and courage to go back to you!

had an awesome going up and down the aisle at cold storage today with my darling aqidah.WE HAD FUN !!!! WHEEEESS!!!! reminiscing about our childhood and the ridiculous things we use to do!! ahahah i never fail to have fun with her. she's such a sweetheart. haha

exhausted now.
good night!
sleep tight!!
don't let the bed bugs bite,my darlings!!!(:

♥Saturday, June 28, 2008

claudia mustn't be too possesive ..
all the more so cause he doesn't belong to you.
no doubt, plenty of other girls have fallen into his enchantment.
yes dear girl, you too.
but it's time.
it's time to leave everything behind and move on.
all the sweet nothings, actions, charm.
they're done not only for you.
the rest of the female species have also experience it from him,
more so, if i may add.
dont read too much,
think too much,
assume too much-into his actions.
they might lead to your doom.
they dont mean a thing to him,
for he does that to every girl he knows.
so dont make them mean anything to you.
remember.
the furthest you can ever go is being friends.
maybe not even friends.
what a pity.
some people...
search high and low,
for their perfect other half.
they'll see someone who is unattainable,
someone whom they deem they like
when the perfect person might be just nearby.
but he or she is kept in the shadows.
for they are always silently treating us nice,
helping us with this or that.
showering us with love.
only, we're too blinded
or rather,
too distracted by the one whom we deem we truly like
and who is the right one for us,to be able to take notice of this silent person,
forever giving,
never asking anything in return.
except your love.
that's all.
so please, open your eyes.
wide. look around.
your someone....
might be just infront of you.
open wide.
please.




but, oh,
claudia is still hopelessly devoted to you.

♥Saturday, June 21, 2008

me wanna scream and rant.

♥Friday, June 20, 2008

my SRJC darlings, if you happen to chance upon this blog, please do go check aspire for your new timetable !! it's up !!! and ahahahhah for my darling A01s, our timetable ain't bad at all for the exception of monday . but let's be thankful for the not so long days ya ?? especially for our friday timetable.we only have 2 hours of lessons guys !!

my impending doom is nearing me.....school is starting and results are coming.oh dear me ):


study hard my sweethearts!!!(:

♥Thursday, June 19, 2008

♥Wednesday, June 18, 2008

which side of you is the genuine one?
which one?
i just dont know what to do with you.
you're so mind boggling.

today was a really zombified day.
attempted to continue doing my history trigger notes cause the sense of urgency has finally caught up with me. and im fretting over the lack of time to finish studying everything by the time A's come round.what with Berlin war, Can Vuong movement, Keynes theory. i cant imagine how the previous batches manage to complete studying ! and to think they keep saying my combination is the easiest to score. but i cant afford to fail this test. it's too important.press on, claudia!

Aqidah messaged me in the morning telling me that her family went to climb fort canning today.i felt a moment of envy and wished that i could also have been there, with no worries or anything.it seems as though at this age ..... we think that our parents or any adults are able to understand us. but you know what? i think even WE dont even understand ourselves!

Fanghan messaged me too... and we had this really weird conversation about characters.so what exactly am i then ? some people have layers that need to be peeled off.... some just have different sides to them which is just .... really confusing.to the outside world.... i might seem this way... only to my close friends... those who are REALLY close... do i then reveal the real me.
but i had totally no idea just how horrendous the outside world have of my character on the surface... these are some of them.... childish ? whiny? whoa ... if i ever hear that of somebody else.... i'll just totally not want to befriend them.... so i dont undestand why people are still friends with me.

anyway .... was having an msn conversation with aqidah .... and we were talking about being dependant on some people... and about .... death, which really scares me so.do you find.... that ... you would grow more dependant on people close to you ?? that one day, if they were to just suddenly disappear and vanish,you dont know how you can ever cope with life without them ? this thought really scares me.... maybe that's why i am ever so insecure .... about whether people likes me... about my friends.. whether we'll still be together after 20, 30 years... and grow old together. maybe...just maybe, it scares people off... but.. i cant help it. im sorry. im already trying my best to control all these insecurities.which according to my best friends arises because i think too much. oh well, what to do ? i just love you guys too much . i just dont want to lose you all.

this is to a certain somebody for im sure that person wouldn't read this anw... i just need to rant it off for i am feeling a tad piss: isn't it true that when building friendships.... in my case at least ... friends ARE suppose to go through thick and thin together? meaning both the good AND BAD times... i know i might sound greedy and all... but i do want to go through the BAD times too .... and be there for you.but everytime i try to put it across to you .... you either avoid the issue totally ... or you'll just keep giving the same answers! you say that i have a habit of living in denial and avoiding my problems... but isn't this a case of a pot calling a kettle black ? i know, i might not be able to help in anyway even if you tell me your problems or confide in me, but thats the best present which i can think of giving you-by being supportive and encouraging. at least, you'll know that you'll never be alone. but you know what? if you feel uncomfortable telling me things or anything.... and you're only willing to share the good times with us, well, i guess im just going to respect your decision and probably pray for you ...that you'll get through your problems in the best possible way.but... i'll probe you no further.... for i think it'll only add on to your burden..and i'll try to live with it.... at the same time, try my best to continue being a good friend.for..... i am at a loss, i truly am.

empty promises hurts.

♥Tuesday, June 17, 2008

study date with fiona and leo... well... mainly fiona.

♥Tuesday, June 17, 2008

♥Saturday, June 14, 2008

it's funny just how quickly things changed.
you had me feeling happy, light hearted, relief.
just one day.
ONE day ...
you took everything away.
you left me .....
empty,
lost,
helpless,
everything i hate and am afraid of feeling.

why was i gullible enough in the first place to believe that all would change ?
that i was important enough to you ....
it's all crap.
you took away my trust.
please god,
don't let this be the last straw.

no more sweet nothings,
they are all deceptive.

no more sweet gestures,
they'll just make me feel like one of your 'girls'

no more anything,
that's how hurt and broken i am now.

dumb and regretful,
is how you left me feeling.

you beat me handsdown.
congrats.

♥Thursday, June 12, 2008

isn't this song awesome ?? c'mon people!!! DANCE TO IT !!!! it's really nice to dance !!! TRY !!! hahahha balalalalamba.... lalallala !!! woohoo !!!! hahhaha

alright back to serious things.... went back to school for gp lecture and we learnt about Jeruselem. it was rather interesting actually.... i learnt about the three different religion in that country with the wailing wall and how they got divided at two different states between the israelis and the palestinians. how sad!!!! families got divided.... jobs are lost..so on and so for...the government should spare a thought for its people instead of only considering their own national interest !!! seriously!!!

so anyway .... yesterday was the first day of Lear workshop ? and it was kinda weird watching it actually ... cause it was a play ? but it also wasn't actually a play? cause the play was about three characters auditioning for the role of king lear in three different interpretations. so it was kinda weird but intriguing.... ahaha !!! my classmates are alllll so cute and adorble, i just love them so ... they were saying that first day will always be what they call "test water day " ? so if let's say the event lasts for three days, they'll dress up for the first day and see what the rest of the majority are wearing .. then second day .. they'll dress down ... and when the final day comes round... they'll just heck care and just dress shabbily. so i was saying that right ... if thats the norm... then why not i do it the other way round? first day... dress shabbily.... second day , nicer.and finale.... ka ba booom.... NICEST!!! but when i told them that... they all laugh and ask me to go ahead and do that... at most, i'd stand out for being the most over dress person. hmmmmm.... ahhaha

anyway ... my dear sweet little aqidah gave me a present yesterday!!!! it was sooooo sweet of her !!! and the present was so pretty, i love it SOOO much !!! i even took a photo of it ... but i shall post it at a later day for i have yet to upload it yet. ahhaha ... all of my favourite things were inside? omg... that girl really took a lot of time making the presents for me .... i love you so, sweetheart!!! know that i'll always be there for you unconditionally !!!!! <3


dance people dance!!!! it's fun !!!!! WOOHOOOO !!!! ~~~

♥Thursday, June 12, 2008

i miss you.

the rain is pouring.... and it totally fits my mood... which is ... im not sure... a little gloomy, nostalgic, longing?

i do miss hanging out with my girls.... the sakae sushi outing which i had with faith, fanghan and pauline emphasize that point to me even more. especially with faith cause at least.... i do still meet pauline and fanghan in school everyday . i do miss faith terribly loads.... but after actually meeting up with her .... i realise that's the understatement of the year... cause i miss her x91284798t5165081234812486681248169746129 yeap, you got it .... infinity.she's always a joy to be around with .... always unpredictable and always pulling silly surprises on me but which always succeed cause i'd never expect it !!! sometimes, i do feel annoyed by her... sometimes i do feel neglected too..... cause it always seemed to be like im the one always taking initiative? but i've learnt from our years of friendship that .... she does love me.... everytime i need her the most, she'll always be there for me .... when i need her advice or when i cry ... she'll always be there with a shoulder for me to cry on.so yes ... i do love her so.

as for some other people....... or rather .... just that person ..... i wanted you to be one of my best friend... really i did . i was hoping we'd confide more in each other .... for i do know that ... even till now..... that if you ever need me..... i'd be there in a sec .... i'd always be there for you ... but turns out ? you seem determine to distance yourself ... i dont know why .... i dont know how... but you're succeeding.... now im starting to wonder when we graduate..... 20 years down the road.... we'd be thinking : oh ya !!!! that person used to be my close friend!!! i wonder what's going on in his, her life now!!!! thats what i think we'll become... but thats the last thing i want in our life.... i wished that we can always be as involve in each other's life as possible. but note the word: wished. i wonder if it's even possible now, you see..... for i think i have been replaced.... and that you seem to think that the person is capable of doing a better job at filling in that place than me.maybe it true..... but know that im sad that we cant be as close as i had wanted.

♥Tuesday, June 10, 2008

i have a dream.
the dream is that early next year, faith lee lim fang han and pauline mah and uh huh .... yours truly would be having an awesome time at phuket!!!! WOOHOOO!!! imagine the glorious sun shining down.... the beach .... whoaaaa........ the sand...... OMG!!!! i wanna be there SOOON SOOON SOOON !!!! noooooo not soooon .... NOWWWWW!!! hahahha .... as you can see ... i am desperate to leave for a holiday !!!!! please please please make it a success... i have yet to go for a holiday with any of my friends... and like how you guys always say im choosy in all aspects.... i wanna go on it with my dearest closest friends!!! ahhahahaha .

it's raining now.... and i have another dream..... one day .... just one day .... i would wanna walk hand in hand or run .... with my lover .... hahaha under the rain. who cares if we'll get drench ?? who cares if we might fall sick ? im a die hard romantic. but again.... it's a dream. who knows? maybe when im with him, it'll never rain ! or maybe... he hates being under the rain ....

again... i do think my bf would be a boring stringent eh..... and not tall dark and handsome. im sorry my darling if you read this in future.... but isn't it always known that the person you'll eventually be with usually turns out opposite from what you want or expect?? but know that i still love you !!!! hahahah

i know i keep rambling nowadays.... i wonder why .... so please forgive me for those who reads this. i shall try to STOP rambling. although it'll be kinda difficult. hahahah !!

♥Tuesday, June 10, 2008

balance?

dont you find that sometimes, in any relationship.... be it between friends,family or lovers,there will somehow be an imbalance? like one party will feel that she/he is putting in more effort into the relationship or like he /she is giving more ?? after a while, this relationship will bound to head towards obstacles.... and all. soooo.... hahaha

me feels tired.... thanks to my sickness): nights 'all

♥Monday, June 09, 2008

and when i'm sure, i'd give all the love in the world to you.

it's true. i realise that during this period of time, i have given myself too much leeway into thinking way about too much redundant matters.
things that dont matter,
things that.... even if i give them extra thoughts, they wouldn't change anyway.
things that made me lose sight of what ARE the vital things that are in my life, really.

there's no point in thinking too much, for only one person is capable of stopping all these thinking... and that person isn't here yet. maybe that person's not YET here. or maybe.... just maybe...there's no such person at all!so why bother thinking? why bother indulging myself in these..... these fruitless matters of the heart when it'd only bring me nowwhere?

so..... im going to focus more on the things which i can change instead! family... friends....studies!!! i have to get into uni, i have to get into uni, i have to get into uni. how i wish there's a type of medicine whereby the dosage goes: repeat chant for million times and you'd be ensured a place in uni. omg .... i'd forego all conver and keep chanting all day long man!! if it comes true... once again, the operative word being : IF. cause when it really happens, it'll be when the sun rises from the west, pigs are able to fly, day becomes night and night becomes day and when i become a demure lady which would totally fulfill my mommy's desires. hahaha which just say how much this fantasy of mine will come true eh ? oh well... a girl can dream, cant she ? hheheheh

♥Sunday, June 08, 2008

♥Sunday, June 08, 2008

♥Friday, June 06, 2008

im sorry to all you darlings of mine who came to ask if i felt ok or tried cheering me up. sorry if i didn't reply... pelase give me a little time to be back to myself. im having compassion burnout.

♥Wednesday, June 04, 2008

faith!
bestie!!
fanglin!!
mcmillan!
camaraderiegems
shoes!
noriko!
roar!
lionel!
shermaine!
mai!
chow!
tzewei!
dom!

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